Assalamualaikum
Today, I cried again. These days, I chose to be alone, I chose to distant myself from people, interact more with my family, yes I just decided to be alone at my college. It’s not because I hate anyone or I am being selfish, no. I just want to spend some moments with myself, because I feel like losing myself these days.
There’s this one night, I decided to whatsapp some of my best friends and I asked them to tell me that I can do it. So, they did. Well, I obviously cried — I am easily affected by good words fyi.
No matter how much support or advices I receive, nothing can ever change myself, except for myself — well, it’s cliche to hear this, but most of us forgot who’s the one and only turner of our hearts ; Allah SWT.
Last Friday, during weekly usrah at the lecture hall, and the night before that, all Year 2 students were given the opportunity to watch videos dedicated to us, made by our seniors. Indeed, it gave me hope to keep on believing in myself. The next cliche statement here would be, if they could do this, then I can definitely do this!
My mum called and she asked whether I wanted to spend a night with my family, in KL? Then my immediate response was, why not? The other side of me was still contemplating about it, I had 10 days to go before IB Final exam, was I out of my mind?!
But hey, the other side of me tried to calm me down.
It’s not everyday I have the chance to spend my time with my dad, cause he’s always away. And we never know when will be the last time we can spend those moments with our beloved ones till the day they’re taken away from us, right?
So, I spent my time with them — still missing the other two siblings, who’re in Kedah.
I gave myself some treatment and reward for the time and energy I sacrificed for last few weeks — oh yes, our bodies need some reward too!
I slept early, at 10.30pm! I decided to sleep early these days, because I need to correct my sleeping cycle and biological clock, because as far as I concern, I easily get affected by diseases; flu, fever and cough just love to cling, I just don’t get why.
And the most important thing is that, they’re being super picky, cause they always come to ‘visit’ me during my exam weeks! Guess the term ‘exam fever’ is just surreal to me.
But to sleep early and wake up early is also part of the sunnah that we all tend to forget. I regret it when I didn’t spend much time talking to Allah, when He is always there to listen to us, especially during the time we all should do our ‘qiyyamullail’. So, I am trying to make a change here. #moresunnahthebetter
I pray to Allah, may I be more istiqamah in doing so.
The purpose of this post is — my teacher always reminds me to say my thesis statement at the earlier part of the essay — but I just love long introduction — I am sorry —ugh — anyway…
I want to share with all of you about this one ayat in Al-Mathurat;
The translation of it : “Kami hayati suasana pagi/petang ini atas landasan fitrah dan perwatakan Islam, berpegang kepada kalimah ikhlas dan prinsip keikhlasan….”
I am sure you would know the exact ayat that I’m talking about.
Islam and iman are two most wonderful gifts from Allah that I tend to forget. And at times, what I do, tend to be incoherent with the purpose of me being created. And after reading this ayat, I cried. I am thankful to Allah because I cried, as not every time my door of heart, being knocked by rue.
I always wonder, why does Allah send me to this place? Why does He make me taking IB? What would be the hikmah? I always wonder because I don’t think I could handle this pressure.
But indeed, if Allah puts us into something, He will puts us through it — next cliche statement — but Adlina said, somehow the cliches are what work best! I am almost done with IB! Yeay!
As for the hikmah? I think I feel much closer to my Creator and my family now, compared to how I was before. Allah has His own reasons, I definitely put my trust in Him.
And for now, I have to stop writing (typing), because I have IB exam to deal with in 8 days. May IB exam bring me closer to Him. I can only do the best I can, and pray for the best. Indeed, I am hoping for #IB45 and getting the chance to fly to Canada and graduate in Electrical Power Engineering from McGill University. I am hoping of taking my parents and grandparents and family there, to celebrate me graduating or even to visit me. I am still hoping and I know Allah will never disappoint me. He is the best planner and He knows what’s best for me :)
My result is already written by Him. I will have to tawakkal and may I be given strength to accept it.
Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, for all the wonderful things that bring happiness to my life, for all the lessons that make me a better person.
I am begging for your forgiveness, if I’ve ever hurt your feelings and not be the person you expect me to be, or not to treat you good enough like you’re supposed to be treated. I am truly sorry for that. No one is perfect, please forgive me and I will try to improve myself.
Please pray for me, my friends and everyone that is taking his/her exam in few days time.
#MayAllahgrantNurAliahSyahmina’swishtoget #IB45 #andtoflytoCanada #AzmiHaqqim3A*too :)
