My Teenage Dream

When I was a teenager, I always had a dream for everything. My education dream, my career dream, my love dream, and every single type of dream. As a 24-year-old woman (oh my I'm a woman now), all my dreams changed because of the paths that I took. I didn't know how to plan my dreams when I was a teen, because clearly, one dream can change another dream, or one dream can lead to another dream.

I've always wanted to be a gynecologist, specifically an obstetrician because I want the women out there to feel comfortable meeting another woman dealing about pregnancy and childbirth. I would not be as comfortable discussing these matter with a male doctor. When I was 15, I learned about the heart in my science class, and my interest was kinda split into to, I wanted to be a cardiologist too.

I was invited to a talk show on Astro when I was 16. I had to share my study tips and how did I balance my academic and my co-curriculum activities. The host also asked about my dream job and I switched to gynecologist haha! My family still had the recording of my talk show interview and they always used that interview against me because now I'm 4 days away from being an Electrical Engineering graduate! (Graduation ceremony is still in one and a half month to go but my final is gonna end soon!)

I've always wanted to study in the UK. Maybe because I used to receive my primary education in Reading for a bit, and I wanted to come back there as a student. After SPM, I did some research about UK education, I felt like I didn't really like how education is conducted. I am keener to study in the states because it is more flexible! But I realized that in order for me to get into the medical school in the states, I would have to complete a 4-year degree in science, take MCAT and apply for medical schools and my grades need to be good enough - it's so much harder to go to medical school in North America. So, I decided, maybe I should just go to Ireland.

I received my SPM results, and I was qualified to apply for scholarships. I realized most of the scholarships want to sponsor students in engineering fields or accounting/economics/finance fields. I came from a middle-class family, I am in need of a scholarship if I want to fulfill my dream to study abroad. So, I applied for scholarships according to what they offer. MARA is the only scholarship that offers students to apply for medical schools, but for some weird reasons, I couldn't find the right link to apply for that!!! I guess it was fate that made me not being able to apply for medical schools.

But I did apply for UM, for Foundation of Life Sciences that could lead me to the path of being a doctor and I got in! I went to a lot of scholarship interviews, I managed to get offers from some of the companies, they all offer me Engineering scholarships. Most of them offered me to study in the UK. Only one offered me to study in Canada - Yayasan Tenaga Nasional (YTN).

I accepted Yayasan Tenaga Nasional because I suffered the most during the selection process because it was damn hard and I think it'll be rewarding if I went for the scholarship. I didn't know how to choose, but Canada seems like a more promising land, close enough to the states and YTN offered me a permanent job after my graduation and they paid good allowance too. So, what more should I want?

Choosing YTN has definitely changed my whole dreams. Now, my dream (mostly my family dream) to become a doctor has gone astray! I will never ever get to be a doctor. Now, it's been almost 4 years I am in Canada and I realized, life science is not really my cup of tea. I love math, physics, electrical stuff, waves, power and some codings. And I guess this is probably the right path for me and studying in Canada has been nothing but a blessing. I love where I am so much. I didn't even realize that 4 years have almost come to an end. It saddens me.

Career dream and education dream had changed. Although I am in the electrical engineering field, I still feel like I am not a machine person. I am a people person. Even the former Chief Talent Officer of TNB, Encik Azman told me the same. He suggested me a position in TNB after my graduation and I am very excited about the role. I hope I can do well. For all YTN has done for me, I'm so grateful for that. If it's not because of YTN allowances, I wouldn't get the chance to travel the world hehe.

My love dream. I always wanted to get to know a guy who has the same principle with me. We should agree on most of the things in life, we should talk about anything and everything at all time, his family should accept me, my family should accept him, he should play sports (because I didn't) and most importantly, he should respect women. He doesn't have to a feminist or agrees with feminism, but he should respect women. I'm from a middle-class family so I would prefer someone from a middle-class family only. It can range from lower to upper-middle-class family. I just think the upper-class family will never be able to accept me. Although this is such backward thinking, I just prefer someone from that class, because my life couldn't fit into the upper-class lifestyle. As for now, this dream is big YES! I'm on track haha!

As for today, my mind wanders. My interest has developed towards something new. I've always loved writing, I had more than 60 journals when I was in high school. I started blogging when I was 13. I love writing. Maybe now, I'm also into sharing. Sharing my thoughts, sharing my life story. My thoughts are not always wise, my life story isn't always amazing, but I guess while I'm writing, I'm learning something about myself too. I learn that just like life, my thoughts evolve. My perception changed, just like my dream. Today, I might feel like I've done the right thing in life and I wanna stay where I am now. But tomorrow, if I decided to take a different path in life, I might think what I did today was so off and I'm glad I changed. I never know the wisdom of everything that happens in my life, but I know there is a wisdom behind everything.

I did a survey on my Instagram yesterday and 25% prefer to read a blog and another 75% prefer to watch vlog. I don't want to associate myself to the title 'Youtuber' because I don't think I have creative ideas to keep producing contents. But I love the idea of sharing what I'm doing in life. But I guess if I did produce more videos on youtube, I will not be sharing things that are as personal as what I share on my blog. 

Dear blog readers, I know some of you have always been reading this blog since 2014 and you are always up to date. You appreciate my posts by spending the 5-minute portion of your life that you'll never get back by reading my silly thoughts. Thank you so much, for reading my blog.

xo