Oh, I do have haters.

Oh boy this request on blog post topic is tricky but

I can be transparent on my blog, right?

Over the past 24 years of living,

lol of course I have people hating me

for what I do, how I behave and who I am.

A person doesn't have to be

a celebrity to receive hatreds. 

Oh how do I begin?

When I was a teenager,

I don't like it when people hate me.

I can be quite a sensitive person

and people's opinion matters.

But I grow out of that era.

To be honest, it all starts with 

the reason why I'm leaving twitter.

In 2013,

my life decision has hurt some people

and even though I've apologized,

I don't think I was ever forgiven.

On twitter,

I would see unmentioned tweets on my timeline

that were directed to me, intentionally

and they were obviously offensive and hurtful.

But I've done everything on my part.

No matter how sorry I am,

no matter how many time I've apologized,

they are still gonna

remember what I did,

and always want to hurt me

like I did to them,

or maybe worse.

At that point in life,

I realized, there is no point of me

begging for forgiveness 

because news will still spread,

people will still bad mouth me

and I just have to move on.

So I deleted twitter

and I gotta say I found peace in life.

Then there's instagram,

which thank god I receive much less hatred than on twitter.

But I'm still blocked by some friends on instagram

for no reason - this time I'm sure because

from the past mistakes I've made,

I keep myself distant from unnecessary dramas.

Fast forward in the year 2019,

the same old news from teen years,

still reach my ears.

Funny how people can't move on

and still living on hatreds

and all I feel for them is sorry.

I've talked to a friend about 

this situation of mine

and that person told me that

I'm quite something.

That person knows why I'm receiving a lot of hatreds,

all because I just don't care.

I don't make efforts to reach out to people,

I hardly make people feel important,

I just do my things and because of that

people do not get my attention

and they hate me for that.

That person has hard time understanding me

and how I behave but after a while,

that person realizes that that's just how I am.

I feel bad when I heard that critics.

And also, that's my first time hearing that from others.

I guess, in a way, that's true.

My experience has changed the way I see things in life.

I have my own reasons for doing things I do now

like all the reasons people can give when they say they hate me.

My circle of friends is small today,

I reach out to people that care about me

and to those who will do the same - reaching out to me.

Because I tried reaching out and I just got tired of

being the only one who put an effort to do so.

Because I believe in friendship,

it also takes two to tango.

It won't work if I'm the only one who cares.

I don't make people feel important

if it's not mutual.

And I only give people the attention they deserve.

I've lived for long enough

to know who's a friend and who's foe.

People who look nice and talk all sweet and sugar to you aren't always your friends.

People who tell you the truth do not always hate you.

I don't blame people

for the hate DMs I receive.

I don't blame them for blocking me on instagram.

I don't blame them if they still can't forgive what I've done.

Because they all have their own reasons,

so do I.

Sometimes, I do feel sad and cry over 

the broken friendships,

friends I lose,

people I thought are my friends but not anymore,

those whom I care about but do not care about me

yada yada yada.

I do.

So, I will just cry,

let the feelings go

and sleep on it,

and avoid thinking about it.

Also, if I behave poorly,

I know there will be people

advising me on that,

so I can change.

Oh and I also know the difference

between people advising me to be better

vs people criticizing me to bring me down.

Oh, and sometimes

I just laugh when people

bad mouthing me

and news traveled back to me because

 I took so many space in their mind lol.

Clearly they do not have better things to do.

So to answer these questions;

- do I have haters?

Yes, I do.

- how I deal with them?

I don't.

I prefer thinking about other stuff,

like what food should I eat,

which cake should I try next, 

or which honeymoon destination should I pick?

Till then.

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you that made you hate me.

I swear, it's unintentional.

My first three weeks at work!

So I asked on my instastory what should be on my next blog post

and a few people asked me to write about my first day at work.

I bet that's actually an interesting topic because 

10 years from now, I will scroll back my blog posts and

reminiscing on my first day at work.

I am not from KL/Selangor.

I was born and raised in Melaka for 12 years,

then went to SSP in Cyberjaya for 5 years,

did my IB at Mara Banting for 2 years

and lived in Montreal for 4 years.

So I would say, I'm not a regular to KL/Selangor life.

But it's not as strange because let's face it,

Montreal life can be more shocking haha!

Because of Montreal, I've got to get used to public transport system

because in Melaka we don't have metros/trains/lrts lol.

But I could be a bit paranoid about public transport.

What if I took the wrong train?

What if I arrived late on my first day of work?

What if I went to report myself at the wrong office?

So many what ifs.

So on my first day of work,

it's on the 10th of September 2019;

it was Mimi's birthday,

I woke up at 530am.

Took the train at 630am.

Reached TNB Jalan Timur at 7am

and bamm the counter to claim the visitor pass

wasn't even open hahah

So I had to wait till 730am

and I registered myself,

get the visitor pass and waited at level 17 for good 30 minute

before the door is open because 

visitor pass can't get access to that level before 8am.

While waiting,

I talked to two aunties, who work as the cleaners at TNB.

They're super sweet and one of them,

Kak Ani took me to meet one of my bosses, Puan Asma.

After 8am, I sat at the couch waiting for my Immediate Manager, Puan Maryana to arrive.

A few minutes of waiting, Jash arrived.

Jash is one of YTN scholars of the year 2013. 

We're from the same batch but because she's an Australia graduate - she started working 6 month earlier than me.

I had to settle some documents and Puan Asma helped me a lot with my first day at work.

Later, we had to meet Puan Maryana for a breakfast meeting

and she's actually a foodie.

We discussed a bit of our job scopes over roti canai

before heading to the meeting room for on-board briefing.

Long story short,

I supposed to work as Data Engineer, dealing with data cleansing and analysis

but for now, we have another project led by Jash

that involves Machine Learning and AI.

Because I did a whole course on Python at McGill

and I was the UI/UX designer for my final year project,

I had to shift to the AI team.

There'll be a couple of trainings that I have to go through

but for now, I'm focusing on the UI/UX design of the project we're doing now.

Since the project is still not 'lauched' yet,

I have to come up with the poster design to be presented to the CEO next month.

Basically, I need to help Jash on the creative side of the project,

meanwhile Jash needs to handle all the important/documentation stuff.

I respect her for being able to lead a big project in TNB Retail

despite being a 6-month old worker at TNB.

My whole weeks involved meeting in Melaka,

for the data stuff, dealing with vendors,
attending conference,

and by the second week, I already have deadlines on stuff to submit.

By the third week,
I had to go to Singapore for a summit
and a one-day workshop on using Cloudera environment using Phyton language
to generate data.
I enjoyed it because Phyton is my favourite language haha!
But I went back late this week,
only reached home at 7pm because of my deadlines -
but it's all okay because I like what I'm doing I guess.

And next two weeks,
my team will be under a great pressure
because of Retail Innovation Forum
and another event that requires us
to present our project development to the
Chief Retail Officer and CEO respectively.
That could be pretty scary hm.

Besides that,

I've also noticed the office politics,
and I know what culture I like and
what I don't at the office
and am trying my best to avoid any office drama,
I hope I'm successful at it lol.

But really,
I still haven't had my career plan figured out or life plan yet.
I hope I can survive this first job of mine lol.

Hey, I'm working now!

It's been a long time that I haven't updated about my personal life on blog.

Blog is the only medium that I don't feel attacked/judged whenever I express/share

about my life. I guess because the community/my reader is just a small group of people

and most importantly, it's for me to write about anything I want.

I graduated on 30th of May 2019, I went for a Europe trip with my family for two weeks

and I spent another month in Montreal, preparing myself to leave the country for good, for at least

7 years haha. 

I went back to Malaysia on the 5th of July and my baby brother got enrolled to his dream university, doing things that he dreamed of doing for ages.

 I went for my Southeast Asia trip adventure with my sister and Iman for another month.

A lot of things happened during the SEA trip, how I wish I could share with all of you

about my amazing trip!

Iman left Malaysia with both sweet and sour memories haha mostly because Iman got sick

at the end of the trip but I'm pretty sure she misses Malaysia already!

On August 10, I had to attend an interview with TNB regarding the job position

that they offered me: Project Team for Data Strategy

and I immediately agreed because their project is really something I'm looking forward to

and the people that interviewed me were also very welcoming and definitely could be great mentors to me.

The remaining of days in August, I had to be in Melaka helping out with my house renovation.

Since my parents are all away, my sister and I had to take over and we had to be the interior designer of our house and trust me, the process wasn't easy. We had to deal with so many people,

dealing with large money figures and basically must be held accountable for every transaction.

That's a lot on our plate.

I also got to deal with my job process - medical checkup etc

and my sister was busy with her visa process.

September 10, I was told to report myself at TNB and it's been an adventure.

I've been attending meetings every day, dealing with vendors and people from different departments,

attending IBM Innovation Summit which is such an eye-opening summit with all the new technologies that are coming to Malaysia

and I got to talk to a lot of high profile people and learn how they think like.

It's been a tiring but an enjoyable week, I would say.

On Friday, I went to KLIA to send my sister off to Toronto. 

She's doing her ACCA there and 

I'm so glad that we managed to deal with every adult thing without our parents around.

Sending off my brother,

dealing with the house issue,

work stuff, sending my sister off.

Drive again!

Adulting.

Oh, I'm also renting a studio and having my own space in the middle of KL.

I can't believe that I would be doing all of these.

I don't know what will happen in the future,

whether I will still talk good about my job after 1 month of working or not

but all I know is I'm glad that I can survive this one month

breathing, alive.

The sacrifice that my family made, to be separated, being away from each other,

we're living in 3 different countries now -

I don't think many could understand the struggle.

People might see all the amazing stuff -

the traveling, the fun times

but the inside stories,

the struggle,

the pain of homesick,

the feeling of longing for a family dinner

after a year/two years of not seeing each other.

I guess being far away from each other isn't always that bad -

we learn how to appreciate every single moment we have

when we're together.

Okay sad stuff aside.

Now, I need to have a new dream.

My brother is my #1 supporter -

and he always wants me to publish a book.

But I told him, idk what book should I write

and I'm becoming a lot less creative these days

but he always believes in me.

I've been listening to podcasts on my way to and back from work

(because of the long LRT commute)

and I realize that I just need to believe in myself.

Believe in the power of working hard to achieve my dream.

Just like what I used to do when I was a little child, a teenager.

I need a new dream. 

Or working hard to achieve the same old dream that I always have.

But for now,

Aliah is a big girl and she's a proud petite malay girl.

Good job, Aliah!

You deserve a pat on the back for surviving this one month of hectic.

And about my dream,

it's still under construction :)