I'm not in your league!

Over the past few years, I have been observing people

in my life.

I'm not like Sheldon and Amy who experimented their friends

(currently watching The Big Bang Theory),

but I do have some inferences, maybe not necessarily conclusions

on this people observation processes.

I noticed that some people do take lives as competitions.

Some people always wanna be on top of their leagues.

When in school, some friends would always want to

be the smartest, the most ______ in everything they were involved in.

I don't say that those things are bad,

but at some points I feel that those behaviours,

if they were applied in every situation,

it'd be tiring and somehow making the life seems like a wasteful journey.

Ugh, this is my blog, I can say anything about anything

but I think I still want to have some disclaimers.

I observe, I experience, I learn and 

I wanna write about some of the following situations

so I won't forget this moment of tiny enlightenment

that I'm facing.

I noticed that people who speak so full of themselves

are actually insecure about themselves.

They try to prove themselves so hard because

they need the recognition and the acknowledgement

that they're doing the right thing,

or they wanna make sure they are on the right track.

I feel bad for my younger self.

When I was in the debating team,

I felt like I may sound confident but I was actually being sassy.

I had to be confident to win the judges' attention

but deep down, 

I knew that at some points, 

I was just being manipulative to win the arguments.

I didn't like that part of me.

Debating is actually a healthy sport,

but I didn't like how I played it back then.

So I learned.

And some of the inferences and conclusions that I made in this post

are actually because of experiences,

be it mine or based on what I observe.

I know people who wanted everyone 

to know that they are better than anyone else

and they are being condescending in every of the conversations.

As someone who has/had to be a part of the conversation,

I often feel tired.

When I didn't know how to deal with a condescending human being,

I thought the only way was to reply in the same manner.

Then I realized, 

the eagle always wants to fly higher,

and I don't think I will ever be able to catch up.

Not because I can't, but because it'll be too tiring.

Then, I realized that I shall quit that manner

and that's one of the best life decisions.

I no longer feel tired,

in fact I'm more happy with what I have.

I know people who wants to portray themselves to be more superior

than others do that because

they are afraid of not being in the league in the first place.

Indeed, it's not about being on top of the league,

it's about staying in the same league as you do.

And often these people will act this way

because most of the time,

they know what are you capable of,

yet they are not happy about it,

so they're attacking you in different angle.

Instead of downgrading you,

they upgrade themselves to make you feel lower.

My advice?

Stay out of the league.

Because maybe that's not your league after all.

And perhaps there shouldn't be any league between you and others.

Only you and yourself.

This brings me to my second flow of thoughts.

You know when they ask you,

who's your (s)hero?

Who do you inspire to be?

I don't know how to answer that.

I mean, who inspires me question is easier.

Who inspires me?

My dad, my mom. 

I can name many people that inspire me.

Because everyone's life story is full of lessons and very inspiring -

depends on the angle you're taking it.

But who's your hero/shero and

who do you inspire to be? - that's a tough question.

I mean, it was easier for me to answer this when I was younger.

But now, I think this question doesn't drive me to be a better person anymore.

Because it lacks the value of authenticity and

if I could be the person that I inspire to be,

then I would just be second in that league.

Not on the top of the league, but just in the league.

One can argue that, oh you can do better than your hero,

but that defeats the purpose of having a hero in the first place.

At least, that's what I think.

So now,

when I ask myself those two questions

or anything that is relevant to it,

my answer would be,

me.

I inspire to be the Aliah that I dream of when I was a little kid.

The woman with successful career,

happily married with max of 6 children,

has a bungalow of 10 rooms,

has my own driver,

travels on private jet at least once in a life time,

you know, that drives me to work harder,

find my passion

and be a better person at what I'm doing.

This way, I am in my own league.

I don't feel the need to compete with other people

and yet I still have that force to stay on track.

Now that I'm working,

and most of my friends are working

I'm exposed to a different environment

and work stories.

Some people at work will always check on you

because they don't want you to be better than them,

some people are being too proud of what they achieved -

I mean you can be proud, but being a little too proud

and rub it off on other people's face a little too often is bad.

Some people can be ridiculously rude to others

because they think they are superior.

Some people love seeking for attentions

and applause for the works that they don't do.

All kind of people.

You name it.

I know people can have love-hate relationship with me

but quoting my boss,

"It's okay if you don't like me because I love me".

I learn that I shouldn't expose too much about myself,

have some mysteries in life because it's more fun that way.

I learn that attentions that people seek for won't last forever

because eventually others will know whether they deserve it or not.

Hard works take a longer route but they pay off a long time.

Be humble. 

No matter what you do, 

no matter how successful you are, 

no matter how lucky you are, 

never boast about being better than others. 

Because in the end, you are really just a branch. 

Whatever you do is just part of that branch, 

connected to other branches and a tree that is way larger than you.

And there is a root that supports you. 

Our lives are interconnected with others in so many ways.

I don't hate people with poor behaviours,

or those who treat me poorly,

in fact I'm grateful for the experience I encountered.

Because I learned a lot from them.

They will make me a better person,

perhaps not in their league,

but in my own league.