Chaos of my dream wedding

 

17th of October - 24th of October - 1st of November


Nikah Night - 17th of October

Wedding Reception - 24th of October

Reception at Groom's Side - 1st of November 




Covid-19 has a different take on a different individual and it so happened that mine,

it involved my wedding.

To start off, my wedding was postponed till October because my dad was stuck in

Turkmenistan for work and there was no fight leaving or entering the country.

When my dad arrived home, we had decided on the wedding date

and the nikah should be on the 23rd of October, 

and the reception would be on the 24th.


On the 13th of October,

the government announced the closure of state border for

Selangor, KL, and Putrajaya - the state where most of my extended family members reside

and where I'm working.

Panicked. I cried so much because we didn't know when the border will be opened.


But the good thing was, 

Melaka can still hold social gatherings,

so it shall be no problem for me to get married in Melaka.

And my family-in-law is from Negeri Sembilan, 

so they had no problem to be at the wedding too.


My sister drove us home back to Melaka

and I was crying so much in the car

like there was no tomorrow.


Little did I know,

my father-in-law (FIL) had a discussion

with my parents to bring forward the nikah date,

just in case if the government were to restrict the social

movement in Melaka, we never know

because the government fancies doing things

last minute.


So, it's decided,

we had to bring forward the nikah to the 17th of October 

and alhamdulillah, Allah made everything at ease for us.

Every single stakeholder that I booked for my big day,

makeup artist, wedding planner, photographer, henna artist -

they all could make it!!!!


I was super sad,

I couldn't have my best friends at my own wedding,

my cousins were absent at my own wedding,

but I was super glad,

at least my close family was there to witness my big day.


And the event on the 24th was as happening,

although half of the invitees reside in Selangor and

couldn't attend the big day.


As for my reception at the groom's side,

we thought the border would be opened by then,

but we thought wrong.

Same old story.

But it was a more laid back, chill ceremony

and I got to take pictures at the beach!

Which was another dream of mine.

Thank God for marrying a beach boy lol!


And in the internet years,

Instagram live made it possible for

my family and friends from all parts of the world

to witness my big day.

I could feel them in my spirit.

My girlfriends sent me a care package because they had to last-minute cancel

my bachelorette party

and I know deep down they're all sad for not being there,

I was too.

But looking back,

I would love to think that

these things happened for reasons.


God still let me have the wedding I dreamed of,

even if without the whole package of family and friends.


The vlogs, professionally edited videos, and pictures that will live in 

my memory, forever <3




My parents, siblings, family,

and family-in-law have been supporting us

from every aspect for this union

and may Allah bless them 

with His love and happiness!


Aliah found her Song.

It's been 2 months and we have so many things to share!

But this would do for now :)


Lots of love,

Aliah


He finally got down on one knee!

 Soon, all of these will be distant memories. I'm writing them down, so I won't forget.


August 7, 2020


We’re supposed to have our nikah ceremony on the 7th of Aug, 
but we had to postpone it because my dad is still stranded somewhere abroad. 
Pan decided to join my mom’s birthday dinner, 
we surprised my mom with a gift that Pan helped me find it earlier.




As I was eating, he stood in front of me, with a purple box in his hand.

“Since we’re supposed to get have our nikah today, and I want you to remember this date. Firstly, I want to apologize, there’s no hot air balloon, or it’s not like how you imagined it to be, but I want your family to be the witnesses.
Nur Aliah Syahmina, will you spend the rest of your life with me?”



I had the whole moment recorded in a one-minute video, 
but I decided to not publish it because of 
my annoying voice in the background because 
I was so shocked and surprised and literally crying.

I answered, “Yessss!” while sobbing ofc.

And he quickly ruined the moment,
“Please say yes because of me, not the bracelet.”


I was caught red handed 🤣 
I’ve always loved surprises, 
and I forgave him for not having the hot air balloon, 
because the thoughts (and definitely the diamonds 😏) that count 😝😋
#AliahfoundherSong








Wedding is postponed, till further notice.





It's June,
it should be almost two months before my wedding day
but with all the uncertainties happening,
with the pandemic,
I don't know when will the wedding be now.

I guess it should be postponed till further notice.


All my family members are back in Malaysia,
except for my dad.
His service is still needed in Ashgabat and they don't wanna
replace him with someone else
and the international border is still closed
and Turkmenistan doesn't want to open their airspace too,
so basically he cannot return back.

They said I could opt for 
online nikah via skype or whatever
but lol I ain't getting married without my dad!

I'm kinda sad in a way that we have to postpone 
an event that we've planned for a year.
But I'm also glad it happens 

1. before I print my wedding invitation
2. before we buy doorgifts
3. before we pay an amount of money for the food

Although many deposits have been made but at this point of time,
I guess every wedding is postponed,
everyone is facing almost the same problems as I do.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with so many parties
as most of the things are handled by my wedding planner
and they're super cooperative.

They even came to my house,
to check on me,
to discuss on further actions
and to basically to comfort me 
because they know that I could be overwhelmed by the situation.

But I still proceed with my wedding dress,
just in case if my dad returns earlier,
if government allows gathering for more than 20 pax.

At this point,
I'm hoping and praying for the best.

Please pray for me too, okay?

Thank you <3

 

Dear all, how are you?



Dear my beloved readers, 
how are you? Really, how are you?
I often treat my blog like a monologue
because sometimes I forgot that it could also be a medium 
to actively engage with my readers.

So, how are you?
The world holds such interesting events these days.
With the on-going pandemics, to the never-ending racism issues.

Yes, I feel exhausted too.
One issue after another, global issues are worrisome.
When I feel like it's not my position to speak up about things, 
I'll remember my younger self,
who'd speak up about everything that needs to be changed.

I've seen so many people
creating a community that will make those
who are oppressed feel loved and safe.
I'm proud of all my wonderful friends and acquaintances who started
the movements and communities.
I learned a lot from them.

On top of all that, 
I know we still have personal issues to deal with.

The pandemics have restricted our movements and we couldn't cross 
the state border to meet our family, be it on Ramadhan or during Eid. 
But I hope you still video call your family and friends,
getting creative with photo editing to include everyone in the family photo
because FOMO is real.

Somehow I'm glad this pandemic manages to bring us much closer,
although we're physically apart.

It brings us closer, we bond more.
My family would video call everyday during Ramadhan, so we'd feel 
like we're having iftar together.
My friends and I would recite Quran together and they did workout too!
in a way, the pandemic does bring us together.

Yes, so many things are happening.
Yes, we have to fight for changes.
Yes, we're fighting the battles.

But when you're in despair, feeling like there's no hope for tomorrow,
and the uncertainties keep you awake at night,
do remember the good things that once happened/those that are still happening in your life.

And please know that you can always reach out to me if you need help.
I may not be able to help you financially that much, but I'll try to be a good listener
and hopefully I could advise you in matters I can advice on.

Please know that I care about my readers
and I hope this blog will be one of the mediums that will make you feel safe <3


Lots of love,
Aliah


Outward Bound School, Malaysia

It’s already midnight. “Happy Birthday, wahai!” I received a voice memo from Pan on whatsapp.
And more voice memos. I had to sleep early, because I had to be ready by 7am as TNB bus would leave ILSAS at 730am to Outward Bound Malaysia in Lumut, Perak. What a way to spend my 25th birthday.

The fellas, 40-ish of us took the bus together and they’re kind enough to sing a happy birthday song for me and khairul. We share the same birth date.
It took us 3-4hours to reach OBM, and as we reached there’s welcoming ceremony before being divided into 4 watch – Kinabalu, Mulu, Liang and Ulu Sepat. I was grouped into Ulu Sepat together with 12 other YEDP fellas – Ieqa, Charlene, Amira, Chucky, Adam, Muadz, Eddie, Ucop, Aqeel, Aiman, Aking and Amzar. Our facilitator is Abang Arief.

Before checking in to our hostel, we had to gather at the dining hall, listening to briefing by Abang Arief. My first impression of Abang Arief was he’s such a serious person, my OBM days will be doomed..

At OBM, we were expected to serve our own food, do the dishes and everything. They only cooked for us. Before lunch, we had to surrender our personal belongings – phone, wallet, keys, food. We had a list of prohibited stuff.

After lunch, we checked in to our hostel, all the girls stayed at Jerai Hostel. The hostel is made of wood, it’s just a basic accommodation and not everyone can enjoy staying there. People did complain about it till we had to do some other tasks that made us appreciate the hostel haha.
That evening, we had to do water testing activity after some games – the instructor taught us the right way to wear life jacket, how long the jacket will be functional per use (in a case of drowning) and how to swim. Thank god for my swimming skills – can’t float successfully though but I can swim haha.

That night, we played another game – everyone needed to say their name and favorite food in a circle. The next person needed to remember everything the previous person said. I apologize, I don’t remember everyone’s name for now even I successfully remember them that night. I could remember some people’s fav food though – Ucop likes mee kicap gopeng, Charlene likes lamb chop with kentang, Aking likes keropok lekor, Chucky likes udang sambal petai, Ieqa likes tomyam, I like laksa johor, Amira likes sushi okay that’s all I remember sorry gang
One of the best things about OBM was that all activities end at 1030pm. We had ample time to rest. Before going to sleep, I prepared the attire that I needed to bring for tomorrow’s activity – it’ll be kayak activity for two days and 1 night.

In the morning, we had to attend morning roll-call at 630am – we had to sing the national anthem, OBS song (we were clueless because we weren’t taught yet at this point of time) and TNB song. We jogged a bit after roll-call and we learned how to kayak after that. We also learned what to do if our kayak capsized in the middle of the ocean, how to remove water from the kayak. We listened to the briefing on our kayak route, what should we bring etc.

All the girls, we dressed up like ajumma, with a big hat, sunscreen, gloves, just do not get sunburn!
That afternoon, we had to kayak for 5km from OBM to Pantai Teluk Segadas. It took us around 2-3 hours to kayak. We were mostly warming up, got the jinx of kayaking, before tomorrow’s kayak session for 8 hours. It’d be a 25km kayak journey, we basically had to kayak around Pangkor Island.
As we reached Segadas, we had to setup our tents, find woods to make bonfire and for cooking and prepare our dinner. Oh yeah, the highlight of this trip was we were welcomed by monkeys and caterpillars! What a nightmare!!!!

We’re given canned food, so we basically just reheated the food. We had to cook the sayur and nasi though. Kuddos to the team for cooking best nasi manually! I would have failed cooking rice without rice cooker lol. That night, after dinner and solat, we had drinking game. This is how the game works. Everyone needs to think of one number, ranges from 1-100. Then, once a number is called, the person needs to respond with this one buzz word, followed by a few other buzzwords to be responded by a few people on the right. Everyone sit in a circle. If someone wassn’t paying attention, or made a mistake (often people were calling their own number which they shouldn’t), they had to drink a cup of water. You may think it’s just a cup of water, but it’s making some of us super bloated.
In the morning, we had to be ready to leave the beach by 730am-8.00am. Ieqa and I woke up as early as 4am to prepare the team’s breakfast and lunch. For breakfast, it’s just bread but for lunch, it’s rice, sambal sardine and sayur. We had to make sure everyone got enough nutrition for the day as it’d be 7-8hour of kayak journey. I prepared sweet drinks for everyone’s glucose supplement and making sure the biskut gula was brought along inside our kayak.

Ready for kayak? So not! But the view was awesome! The ocean was crystal blue, so pretty, I hardly saw any ferry passing by at some of the route, with that I’m blessed with this kayak opportunity.

 I partnered up with Muadz, because he’s fit to carry the unfit me but in the middle of the kayak expedition, I had to switch partner. Naimah experienced seasick while her partner, Faiq couldn’t carry her. Therefore, we switched. Muadz partnered with Naimah, me and Faiq. Do you know that if we wanted to do business (pee pee or poo poo), we had to jump into the sea and do it? I had stomachache, because I’d usually do my business no.2 in the morning, but I couldn’t do it that morning. Obviously, I couldn’t do it at the sea!! We stopped for lunch at another beach, which I couldn’t recall the name of the beach, I wanted to go to toilet so badly. There were abundant resorts nearby, so me, Ain and Mimah went to find for toilets. We found the toilet, with water supply but oh too bad, the toilet couldn’t be flushed (sorry not sorry, my stomach couldn’t handle it). We later continued kayaking and made it to OBS by 3pm. We took lesser time to reach OBS compared to previous groups because we were following the tide, thank god! Also thank God for Faiq because he’s like a radio that I needed, he would sing and tell stories and ask me for relationship advice, all of that kinda buy the time.

If it’s only just kayaking that we had to do, it’s fine. But no the pain didn’t stop there. We had to clean up everything, the pot we used for cooking, the tupperwares we used to tapau the food, wash the kayak, the tents, lifejackets. No one was paid to do all that stuff for us. #redha
But team work was key!

That night, we were taught OBS song, some other war cry and cheers, basically not a heavy activity because boy we’re damn tired.

The next morning, we had our morning assembly and followed by learning how to read compass and map. It’s truly an important surviving skills. We later got the task to go for jungle trekking and needed to gather keywords along the way. Little that we know, the hill was quite steep, not necessarily an easy trek. But most importantly, I now know my nike sport shoes aren’t meant for hiking. Thank god for mama’s hiking shoe that she bought ad never wears lol.
After trekking, we had another expedition of building our own boat, made of poles, tong air and ropes. I volunteered to be the leader and I learned my lesson. We took so much time to even design the boat as we tend to overcomplicate everything and it’s also my mistake for not using the authority given to speed things up. But I think I was good at negotiating, which we were given extra 30mins to finish up building the boat. The challenge was, we had to race to reach the mother boat and row back to OBS.

It looked not as hard but as soon as we were actually on the boat, with lack of stability and balancing, our boat broke in the middle. So we had to swim back, fix it and row again. There were 4 watches in total, but with every challenging phase, we still managed to get 3rd place!
Lesson learned – there should only be 1 leader in a team. Ideas are welcomed, but someone needs to take the responsibility to make a decision. There’ll be a hard-headed person in a team, wanting to do his own thing, but in the end, someone needs to be a bigger person, reminds everyone that this is a no one-man show. It’s all about teamwork.

That night, we had to prepare all the stuff for our hiking expedition.
I was always worried about hiking, because I had an experience of fainting while hiking. I had minor asthma, so hiking and I we don’t get along. I hiked when in Canada, the satisfaction of reaching the top and safely made it to the ground were driving me to finish the hike. This time, sun wasn’t a limitation, but all the stuff we had to carry. The tent, gallons of water, water bottles, cordial drinks, food for lunch, food to be cooked at campsite. To hike for 5.6km wasn’t the only challenge, to hike while carrying 10kg of weight, that’s the real deal.

I just dislocated my knee two months ago, so I couldn’t carry a lot of weight. Plus, I had my asthma, so the team was kind enough to let me carry less weight. Because I carried less weight, I became the radio of the team. To sing and to ask people questions that they had to answer along the way.
After a long hike, we finally arrived at our camp side and we're the first to be there too. 
We set up our tents, cooked for dinner, had dinner and chilled. The most memorable part of that camp night was the shower experience. It was my first time taking a shower using water from well. It's cold but refreshing. The toilet experience was something else too. We would go for toilet break in group because there's no light at night, we all depended on our torch.

That night, we had to take turn to do the night watch, but something more significant happened that night. We all shared our darkest and deepest secret. I was glad that I got to know these people, who were once strangers to me because we're not from the same batch. 
Oh we also drafted our group performance, that was cool!

Secrets that will be sealed, will be remembered. They changed my first impressions on them, they're definitely friends to keep. After all that we'd been through.The next morning, we walked back to our base camp (the hostel area) and we had to clean and return our hiking stuff, and prepare food for BBQ night.

My watch had to be in charge of the chicken. Others needed to be in charge of setting up the hall, cleaning. Oh we also practiced for our performance.That night, during the BBQ night, it got pretty emotional because it's like the last night we spent time together away from the worldly distractions, and just connected with each other. The performances were funny! Everyone had fun! 
That morning, before making our way back to KL, we received a batch that showed we're OBS survivor. Then, we got our phone and at closing ceremony, we got our certificates, took pictures with everyone and made our way home. I'm glad to know that we could come back and visit OBS anytime we want. Looking forward to go back there too.

We've learned so much from each other, I know I did. I made a lot of friends, I got to know more about others and most importantly I got to know more about myself. I know that f I push my limit, I could achieve whatever I want. Deep down I've always known of that facts but I need to consciously remember that fact about me, so I could be more successful in my future.

To my dearest YEDP14 friends, thank you for an amazing experience and memory. We may not be working in the same department, we may not cross paths again in the future, but I hope this connection will last. And Abang Arief, he's super fun and sporting too! 

I'm gonna end my long blog post with our Dikir Barat lyrics, that we performed during the BBQ night.



 Kami Ulu Sepat datng untuk dikir barat,
7 hari di sini macam-macam kami dapat
Instructor kami Ajak Shiro orang sporting yang amat
MLM, Ironman dua-dua dia rembat 



Petang Rabu dapat tahu ada lawan lumba rakit

Masuk air, dayung sikit, rakit pecah, hati sakit

Terjun balik sambung dayung, slow-slow kami bangkit

Sampai pantai tengok balik Kinabalu masih rakit



HAHAHA



Pagi Rabu belajar bearing, pagi Khamis pergi hiking

Mula-mula baru hiking kami semua sudah pening

Dengan team work kami hiking sampai tekak jadi kering

Sampai first tunggu Mulu sempat lagi guling-guling



Itu saja dari kami dari Watch Ulu Sepat

Silap salah dari kami susun jari rapat-rapat

Terima kasih OBM jumpa lagi kalau dapat

Esok phone dapat balik harap-harap masih rapat

































Death is near, Aliah



Death is near, yet some people choose to believe that death can be delayed.
I've lost so many loved ones in recent years, 
my friends lost their loved ones, one after another.
It's just scary how death is near but we don't know when it's coming.

I fear death, I'm scared.
Because I don't know how it's gonna be like over there.
Does God think my deeds are enough?
Will the Angels of God greet me nicely?
How will afterlife be?
Will my loved ones and I be reunited?

Most of my living days, I spent
very little time to prepare for my death as opposed
to live the world like it's ever permanent.

I regretted it.

This Ramadhan, I saw the light
that I hope will stay forever.

Being able to recite the Quran
or read the tafseer make me realize
that God has warned us for
thousands of times that this life is nothing but a test.

This life is the time to prepare for something bigger,
something permanent.

The Quran is such a valuable gift,
without it, Muslims may not be guided till now.

God loves us so much, He portrays His love
in the Quran too.
He loves us so much that His warnings are made visible,
that we should/could read them daily,
anytime we want.

God loves us so much that no matter how 
big our sins were, He'd forgive us
and respond to our repentance.

The love of God is tremendous,
but why when we're tested,
we quickly judge him and 
fall out of faith?

Oh Allah,
forgive me for all my sins.

Oh Turner of the Hearts, keep our hearts firm on Your religion.

May Allah shower Ramadhan's blessing on all of us and
bestow His acceptance of our prayers and fast. 

I'm sorry I cheated


It's already late at night,
but I decided to accept his offer
for another round of drinks at a coffee shop
near my place.

It's been a long time since we talked
about life and our friendship.
We honestly couldn't remember the last time we met.
We promised to meet again one day.

Then, it became a weekly thing.
We'd either have lunch on weekdays or
dinner on Friday.
I know we're friends,
but it felt wrong.

Maybe because I forgot that I'm engaged,
or maybe he pretended as if he didn't know.

So I brought up that topics
over lunch,
and he just stopped eating
and told me the truth.

That all this while, 
he had a soft spot for me.

He thought I wasn't happy
with my engagement,
that's why I agreed to go out with him.

I didn't think I wasn't happy,
I just thought it'd be nice to rekindle the long lost friendship.
I'm comfortable talking to him too.
But maybe he understood it wrong,
maybe he thought it was a signal,
maybe I gave a signal too.

That weekend, 
I cancelled our lunch plan,
because I had to meet Pan.
It just felt awkward,
because Pan didn't know I was meeting a guy friend.
All this time, I just told him, it's a friend.

I started comparing the two of them,
it felt wrong.
I cried, out of confusion and frustration.
Because how could I be uncertain now?


I woke up.
Sweating. Crying.

Thank god,
it was just a dream
but I felt like I just sinned.
How could I betray Pan, even if it's just in a dream?

I couldn't recall
what videos did I watch before going to sleep,
but oh it's a huge relief that it's just a dream.

Waking up to a realization
that my love for Pan is incomparable.
That I wouldn't wanna be with anyone else but him.
That I wouldn't wanna spend the rest of my life with anyone else but him.
That I felt like even if in my dreams,
I would still wanna love him with all my heart.

I'm sorry for cheating on you in my dream, Pan.
I swear I will never do that ever.
Even if Shawn Mendes came begging to marry me, trust me.





Top 5 Favourite Matte Lip Cream!


Hi girls!
I'm sharing my top 5 fav matte lip cream 
and I hope you'll find it useful :)


Lots of love,
Aliah

How to create FLAT ILLUSTRATION based on photo in Adobe Illustrator



Hi guys, I learned how to create flat illustration from youtube two days ago 
but I picked up some tips and tricks while practising, 
and I want to share them with my fellow beginner friends if you're interested 
I hope you'll find it useful!



Check out my second instagram account for more illustrations!
@petitemalaygirl



Lots of love,
Aliah


The space that I missed


I spent 3 years of my life here.
It's where I learned how to cook different kind of food,
where I learned how to bake,
how to make kuihs that I never thought I'd make.

I spent 3 years of my life here,
I learned how to appreciate roommates,
I learned that life can be pretty boring without them.

I learned how to share food,
how to save electricity when it's winter,
proved the uni kids that we could have fun without 
involving alcohol.

I made random, impulse decision
when deciding where to go for holidays.

I cried my heart out,
losing two of my loved ones while I was staying there.

I experienced anxiety attack for weeks
and didn't know what it was till I met professionals.

I weeped over getting a C.
I weeped over warning letters from TNB, because of the C.

At the same space,
I woke up to the news of me getting an honorary student award.
At the same space,
I woke up to the news of me getting a scholarship for an all-rounder international student.
At the same space,
I received a phone call about getting a job from Rio Tinto and Amazon.
And at the same space,
I called them back to reject the offer,
because of my loyalty to TNB.

This is the space where
I grow.
As an adult.
I learned about friendship and love.
I learned about trust.
I learned how to let go and let God.

Today,
I'm living on my own at a studio,
with my brother as my part time roommate.
Things are different,
in a good way.
Here, it's home.
But at that space, it means much more.








To the boy I've ghosted



Hey, remember when it was 2009 
and we talked over myspace till late night
over some stupid memes? 
And your obsession on TS?

And in 2010, we talked for the whole year,
you called me to tell about the event that I couldn't go to?
And you surprised me with a visit?
And I didn't text you about my PMR results because I didn't want you to be sad?
It was me who didn't reply your text and you thought our friendship was over?

And in 2011, we didn't talk at all?
But little did I know, you still cared?
And you read each of my blogposts but
we still pretended like we're no longer friends.
Our eyes met but we acted like strangers with history?
And the next thing I knew, you're already in
a relationship.
Couldn't lie, but it hurt at that time.
But I thought, oh it's my fault because I ghosted you.

It was 2012, I texted you,
telling you I was sorry. 
You told me, I never hurt you.
You said, you hope you didn't hurt me too.
But I couldn't say the reason
because at that point I didn't think it was anyone's fault.
But I wanted to say it anyway, for my personal closure.

^ the lines I wrote back in 2014.
Only kept this post in my draft.
Today, I'm posting this.

For the reason that I realized,
a lot of things have changed since then.
Maybe I did have feelings for him back then, 
but we both never talked about it.
Not even close to talk about personal feelings.
It's always about something random.
Maybe it's just at that time, I thought we had many things in common.
And maybe he would have feelings for me too, because of 2010.
But I ended up not continue talking,
I couldn't figure out why.
I think we did talk about it after,
he thought I was busy, so he avoided initiating any conversation too.
Maybe it wasn't technically ghosting.
It's just both of us just stopped talking to each other.

Fast forward, 10 years later..
I realized, it's for the best.
I'm glad it didn't hurt me as much that time, 
because it was just a high school crush,
and things didn't get too personal.

For all those reasons,
I'm still glad this all happened.
We're no longer friends,
but it's okay.
And I don't know how to end this post.
Maybe I should just leave this hanging?




Merajuk Day All Day




Last night, I had a fight with Pan.
We always fight during that time of the month, you know.
That peak time of the month,
I always want his attention, but I want my space, so don't talk to me
but please don't leave me.

Anyway, it was a silly fight.
Then it got better, till I joked about
him being selfish cause he didn't wanna be my plus 1
to my friend's wedding because of the pandemic.
Well, he did tell me not to go,
but I insisted.
So I told him he's saving himself, but not me.
My fault.
I went overboard.
So I said sorry, but he merajuk,
for 19 mins he didn't wanna talk to me
but I wouldn't wait, so I slept.

The next morning, I read his texts,
he's all fine. 
But now, it's my turn to merajuk.

I wanted to merajuk the whole day.
The whole working hour.
He said it's not fair because he only merajuk for 19mins.

I mean, yeah true. 
But I didn't talk to him the whole night,
so technically, I considered him merajuking the whole night.

So there're many attempts when he tried to text me,
I just ignored him.
But I replied to him at 1pm, with just a "Hi"

And ignored him back.

And replied after work.
I didn't have my lunch break today 
because I wanted to finish my work before 5pm.
So I did.
Being super productive.
Submitted my job, and then we talked on skype.

And bonded over an hour of Dr Yasir Qadhi's lectures on youtube,
followed by watching some Bollywood music videos.

All good. 

Basically, this is the merajuk cycle we're having
at least once a month.

This time, I didn't cry. 
Good job, Aliah.
You're getting tougher by days.



My Dream Wedding




This is a story about my dream wedding.

I always imagined there'd be a proposal - an epic one.
The one with flashmob of all Bollywood medley songs,
a lot of dancing, my boyfriend would do the dance obviously
and it'll lead me to a hot air balloon.
He would propose, I said yes, 
because no girl could say no to Tiffany&Co ring, right?
We rode the hot air balloon,
heading to rooftop of a restaurant.






I always fancy the idea of fine dining. 
Somewhere at the rooftop, with the skyline view.
It doesn't matter which city will that be, I just love rooftop restaurants.
If you eat at a rooftop restaurant, with your loved one, it just feels so romantic.

I imagined, there'd be an engagement party too.
With mini dais, just like what I had on December 28, 2019.
A simple one, because I wanted my wedding to be big.



I always wanted a wedding held at a secluded area,
in a big mansion, looking like a Disney castle.



I always wanted to walk down the fancy stairs,
like in every Bollywood song,
with my veil so long that it covers all of the stairs.
I always wanted to walk down the isle, holding my mom's hand
with a bouquet of daisies, not a the big ones, the small daisies.



I would walk across the hall,
my eyes met Pan's and we both smiled, feeling blessed and loved.
My dad would nikahkan us and we're all having tears.
In my wedding dream, ofc there'll be first kiss.
Like this one:



That evening, we'd have wedding dinner party,
modern Bollywood theme,
it's held at the second biggest hall in that mansion.
Everyone dressed up in sarees, lahengas, kurtas
and there were Bollywood songs playing.
It's only for family and close friends.



I'd have my surprise solo performance,
because Pan thought we only had a surprise performance for the guests.
I had my solo performance after our first dance together as husband and wife.



We danced to Kala Chashma.
After that, I danced to Mohe Rang Do Laal and Pan's jaw dropped.



My family performed Bole Chudiyan and some other childhood songs we grew up with.


The next afternoon, we'd have the big reception,
with 6000 guests coming from all over Malaysia and Canada.

It's held at the garden of the mansion.
It's huge, almost felt like a carnival.
The dais was made above the lake, it's a floating dais.
That day, it wasn't so hot, the weather was being nice to us,
it felt like Spring in Montreal.


The decorations made the Spring feeling surreal.
So many flowers, but so elegant.
The grass was all green, almost felt like the wedding was held at a Golf Club.



Pan and I rode on horse carriage looking like the one in Cinderella.
When we reached the isle, the guests were all silent and turned their attention to us.
We walked down the isle, holding hands,
with flower girls walking before us,
with instrumental music playing in the background.
Ah it felt so magical.



Ahh just thinking about it, it'll be the best dream ever.



When it comes to wedding, I'm Monica Geller.



I have a folder of all the things I want at my wedding, how the ceremony would be,
what I'm gonna wear and today I'm writing this because I didn't get to do all of that fancy stuff
because let's be real, they're super expensive and just not feasible.

Because who do that? 
1. Pan will never dance in public
2. There's no hot air balloon in the middle of a city
3. Hot air balloon landing on a rooftop?? Hello??
4. A mansion? Who am I? Princess Mia?
5. Wedding dinner party with dancing? It's so haram for my family hahaha
6. Cinderella horse carriage? You can dream on!




It feels so good to keep dreaming about it,
maybe in the next dream I can have my veil made by blind Belgian nun,
the wedding will be on a cliff in Barbados at sunset, I can be all Rachel about it.

Never hurt to dream.
A girl can always dream.

Praying the COVID-19 will go away,
because my REAL(istic) wedding is coming soon!