It's already late at night,
but I decided to accept his offer
for another round of drinks at a coffee shop
near my place.
It's been a long time since we talked
about life and our friendship.
We honestly couldn't remember the last time we met.
We promised to meet again one day.
Then, it became a weekly thing.
We'd either have lunch on weekdays or
dinner on Friday.
I know we're friends,
but it felt wrong.
Maybe because I forgot that I'm engaged,
or maybe he pretended as if he didn't know.
So I brought up that topics
over lunch,
and he just stopped eating
and told me the truth.
That all this while,
he had a soft spot for me.
He thought I wasn't happy
with my engagement,
that's why I agreed to go out with him.
I didn't think I wasn't happy,
I just thought it'd be nice to rekindle the long lost friendship.
I'm comfortable talking to him too.
But maybe he understood it wrong,
maybe he thought it was a signal,
maybe I gave a signal too.
That weekend,
I cancelled our lunch plan,
because I had to meet Pan.
It just felt awkward,
because Pan didn't know I was meeting a guy friend.
All this time, I just told him, it's a friend.
I started comparing the two of them,
it felt wrong.
I cried, out of confusion and frustration.
Because how could I be uncertain now?
I woke up.
Sweating. Crying.
Thank god,
it was just a dream
but I felt like I just sinned.
How could I betray Pan, even if it's just in a dream?
I couldn't recall
what videos did I watch before going to sleep,
but oh it's a huge relief that it's just a dream.
Waking up to a realization
that my love for Pan is incomparable.
That I wouldn't wanna be with anyone else but him.
That I wouldn't wanna spend the rest of my life with anyone else but him.
That I felt like even if in my dreams,
I would still wanna love him with all my heart.
I'm sorry for cheating on you in my dream, Pan.
I swear I will never do that ever.
Even if Shawn Mendes came begging to marry me, trust me.
