THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT EVER!

Hello people!

I have been missing for a week, I know!

I've been too caught up with school stuff and other events in Montreal

but I have a few blogpost drafts ready heheh

One of the things I did last two Fridays 

was watching theater. 

So McGill Drama Club had a theatre festival every year

and this year I had the time to attend it.

I watched three plays in one night and

overall, I was impressed with the students' performance!

They really could act and

oh wow they had time to do all of these...

So the next Monday after the event,

a classmate talked to me,

cause he saw me at the event.

So he's asking me about the plays..

You know normal stuff, which one did you enjoy the most etc.

Okay, so the second play was funny as hell!

I couldn't stop laughing! It's pretty classic,

about detective story, who killed the husband,

the suspect was the wife because he was asking for a divorce a few days before

and turned out, it's the crazy ex-girlfriend who poisoned him.

And he asked for a divorce because he apparently found

his true love and he just realized after 20 years of marriage,

that he's actually not straight -.-

The third play, thank God that it came last

because I cried like crazy!

It's so sad, no words can explain it!

It's about a girl who blamed herself for her boyfriend's death

and she couldn't move on,

so she started to write to everyone who received organs from the dead boyfriend.

It's not the storyline,

it's the actress!

She's so good at portraying her emotion in the play!

So my classmate asked me,

how about the first one?

I told him, the first one was my least favorite.

Because I didn't quite get the storyline.

It's about a group of astronauts who were stranded

in the space for 10 years,

and they're playing aliens etc in the spaceship

and for a sec, I thought it's the real alien hahaha!

So yeah.

Then, the class started.

On Thursday, 

on my way to class,

I passed by McGill Drama Club poster,

promoting all the plays.

Guess what?

MY LEAST FAVORITE PLAY

THAT I CRITICIZED THE STORYLINE

WAS WRITTEN BY THAT CLASSMATE WHO 

WAS TALKING TO ME ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no words to say.

Good bye.

[Rules of Life Series] : Part 4

Have no regrets

We surely have regrets in our life, 

but as regrets happen, 

they can be very useful;

if you choose to use them to make a difference

and going forward.

There're 3 types of 

"I wish I'd done that" scenarios.

1. When you genuinely feel you didn't capitalize on an opportunity or

that you missed out on something.

2. When you see somebody who's done something great

and you wish it had been you.

3. When you just sit there, waiting for you to be lucky.

Lol, anyone in the 3rd situation will surely miss any chance 

even if Lady Luck is standing behind them.

When it comes to looking at what others have achieved, 

this world is divided into those who look at others enviously and

those who look at others as a motivational tool. 

If you find yourself saying, 

“I wish I had done that/

thought that/

been there/

seen that/

experienced that/

met them/

understood that,” 

then you need to learn to follow it up 

with a

 “And now, I will....”

It's OK to give up!!

Sometimes we head off down the wrong path in life, 

often with the best motives. 

Maybe there’s no knowing it’s the wrong path until we try it. 

There’s no shame in admitting it once we realize

 it’s not getting us where we want to be.

In my case,

I tried going for singing audition,

and I clearly failed haha!

My voice is just for my ears to listen to haha

so I quit that dream to perform singing in public,

and I dance instead.

I don't really dance for competition,

but I dance for student clubs

if they invited me for gala or any event.

I guess I'm better at dancing,

and not singing.

Am I a quitter?

Don't think so, cause I gave singing a try.

It's just that singing is not my niche haha!

If the world is telling you that you took a wrong turn, 

you can admit it honestly and put

yourself on a different track. 

No one can be brilliant at everything, 

and sometimes you have to try things to find out 

whether you can do them. 

And maybe you can’t.

Change what you can change,

let go of the rest!

Time is short. 

This is another of those facts you can’t escape; it’s a given. 

If time is short, then it makes sense not to go wasting any of it, 

not a single lovely drop of it. 

It's my observation that the successful people pay attention to what, 

in their life, 

they have some control over and they simply, economically (time-wise), 

and let go of the rest.

Beating yourself up over,

it is counterproductive and such a waste of time.

If you waste time struggling to change stuff that is obviously never going to be changed, 

then life will whiz past and you’ll miss it. 

If, on the other hand, you dedicate yourself personally to things you can change, 

areas where you can make a difference, 

then life becomes richer and more fulfilled. 

And the richer it is, curiously, the more time you seem to have.

The only definite influence we have is over ourselves. 

The only thing we can really, really change is exactly that—ourselves. 

What an opportunity to do some good. 

What a chance to make a real contribution. 

Begin with ourselves and let it spread outward. 

This way we don’t have to waste time preaching to those who won’t listen. 

We don’t have to waste effort or energy or resources

 on things over which we have no control and no certainty of any success. 

By changing ourselves, though, we can be assured of a result.

[Rules of Life Series] : Part 3

Keep Calm and Keep Calm

Sometimes, we shout to justify ourselves and

shouting is usually a weapon we use when we know we're losing.

Shouting means losing your temper,

and it doesn't necessarily mean you're

being convincing because most of the time

shouting just shows your argument is weak.

So, don't shout. Even if you're angry.

Remain silent and calm,

because calm people are always the bigger person/

Calm people are trusted. are relied on,

 are looked up to 

and are given responsibility.

Most importantly, calm people last longer.

Listen to your gut, listen to your intuition.

Deep down, within all of us is a fount of wisdom.

This is called intuition.

Listening to your intuition is a slow learning process.

It starts by recognizing the tiny inner voice and feeling,

that will tell you when you've done something you shouldn't have.

You might call it conscience if you like,

but deep down, you know when you've done something bad.

You know when you've got to apologize,

make amends, put things right.

You know.

I know you know.

I know because all of us know.

Once you start listening to that inner voice,

you will find that it can help you in life.

Listen to your intuition.

No fear

There should be nothing in life that you should be afraid of, except for God.

If there is, you might need to do something to overcome that fear.

Whatever you fear,

face it head on and defeat it!

No surprise

Life seems to be full of surprise, doesn't it?

But if you look carefully, 

there're clues all along the way

that it's gonna happen.

No surprise there.

So why does life seem to surprise us?

Because we're asleep half of the time.

Wake up, and nothing can sneak up on you.

No hesitation

Weigh the odds and then just get on with it.

If you hang back, the opportunity will have passed.

If you spend too long thinking, you'll never make a move.

Once we have looked at the options, we make a choice and go for it.

That's the secret.

No hesitation means not waiting around for others to make up our minds for us.

No hesitation means if there's a certain inevitability about a situation,

then just throw ourselves in head first and enjoy the ride.

If there's nothing to be done, then waiting doesn't help.

No doubt

Once you've made your mind up about something, 

don't go over it again and again.

Stop thinking and stop worrying.

Enjoy, relax and let go.

Tomorrow will come along as certainly as it can.

There's no doubt about life.

Be confident, 

be committed 

and be sure of yourself.

[Rules of Life Series] : Part 2

Dedicate your life to something

To know what counts and what doesn't, 

you have to know what you're dedicating your life to.

In general, we always do something for reasons.

Maybe we're doing it to satisfy ourselves,

or to make others happy,

or because we simply have to do it for our financial assurance

(ie study to get a degree haha)

Point is, we should have a yardstick to measure things we're doing.

How you're doing?

What you're doing?

Where you're going?

Be flexible in your thinking 

You have to be ready to roll as the storm  breaks;

and, by golly, it always breaks when you least expect it.

To get the most out of your life is to keep all your options open.

Keep your thinking and life flexible.

Flexible thinking is a bit like mental martial arts;

being ready to duck, and weave and dodge and flow.

Try to see life as a friendly sparring partner,

and not as an enemy.

See life as a series of adventures

and each adventure is a chance to have fun, 

to learn something 

and to explore the world.

Expand your experience 

and circle of friends

and broaden your horizons.

Shutting down to adventures means you're shut down.

Because once you shut down to all the options and possibilities,

and once you think you have all the answers, you might as well hang up your boots.

Once you get set in your ways, you're already part of history.

Take an interest in the outside world.

The happiest, 

most well-balanced, 

most successful people in life

are those who are part of something.

Part of the world and not cut from it.

And the most interesting, stimulating people to be around

are those who take great interest in what's happening around them.

Taking an interest in the outside world is about developing you,

rather than for the world's benefit.

Be on the side of angels, and not beasts!

We always get torn between what we want and what's good for others,

between personal satisfaction and magnanimity.

So, you have to set your own parameters.

Does it hurt or hinder?

Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

Will things get better or worse if you do certain things?

Make good choices in life.

Just keep swimming!

Life is meant to be a series of struggles.

There'll be times when 

it's an uphill, upstream struggle.

We have to 

battle waterfalls, 

dams 

and raging torrents,

but we have no choice.

We have to keep swimming, 

or we will get swept away.

While struggles don't come to an end,

there'll surely be lulls in-between times;

backwaters where we can rest for a while 

and enjoy the moment

before the next obstacle gets thrown our way.

[Rules of Life Series] : Part 1

Keep it under your hat

Don't preach, propagate or even mention this.

Pan is the least expressive guy I've ever known,

he's very mysterious that people sometimes forget his existence.

In some cases, this is a good thing.

While others busy telling their world about their dreams,

he lets his success make the noise.

I kinda like this side of him,

and I'm trying my best to adopt this attitude.

But I will still blog about stuff, because only 15 readers, so it's fine haha!

You'll get older but not necessarily wiser

Sad fact, but it's the truth.  Not all old people are smart and wise.

This surely makes me realize that we can learn something from everyone.

While wisdom is not about not making mistakes, 

but it's about learning to escape afterward, with our dignity and sanity intact.

I'm a 23-year-old woman and I'm still making mistakes.

Accept what is done is done

What is done, is done. You need to get on with your life.

Embrace all the bad things as being an important part of you and move on.

The change occurred when you realized that even if you could confront the people

who had "done you wrong", there'll be nothing they could do about it.

You could shout at them, rant at them, but there'd be nothing that could do

to make amends and put things right.

Accept yourself

Accept it. You don't have to improve or change or strive for perfection, just accept.

Accept who you are, the result of everything that has happened.

You come fully loaded with 

desires, 

anguish, 

sins, 

pettiness at times, 

mistakes, 

ill temper,

rudeness,

deviation,

hesitation,

and repetition.

That what makes a human being so wonderful; the complexity.

None of us can even be perfect.

We have to be awake and aware,

be ready to do the right thing.

And accept that some days, you're not going to make it,

Some days, you will fall, far short, That's OK!

Don't beat yourself up.

Pick yourself up and start again.

Know what counts and what doesn't

Being here counts. 

Being kind and considerate counts.

Criticizing everyone on social media doesn't.

Think about what you do that counts and do more of it.

There're things in life that are important

and a whole lot of things that are not.

I'm fine!

Have you faced situation where you're totally uncool about it,
but you have to pretend like you're absolutely cool?

Yes, you feel Ross.

I feel him too.

It's not easy to pretend like you're fine
but pretending to be fine sometimes show how strong you're as a person.

Humans are born with feelings,
no matter how heartless you think someone can be,
there must be one thing that can defeat him/her.

The strongest person cries the loudest.

I feel like it's so easy for me to give advice to people,
"you'll be fine"
"time will heal your pain"
"this too shall pass"

But to go through a heartbreaking situation
is never easy.

While I'm still gonna be the person who
will be telling you the same thing,

"you'll be fine"
"time will heal your pain"
"this too shall pass",

do know that
I don't say them for the sake of saying them.

I say them because I mean them.

One day, you will be fine.
One day, you know you'll be as happy as them.
One day, you know your pain has healed.
One day, you too will tell others that this too shall pass.

One day, you will realize that,
in a time of troubles and doubts,
you know what to do,
but you just need someone else to tell you that you can do
things you could do.

One day, we will realize thatall of us need someone in our life.

Someone that can tell us,
"you'll be fine"

:)

Guys who read

He reads. She's impressed.

Then, she laughed after she knew about his book genre.

She laughed her heart out.

Okay, other than a sportsman,

he's also the school head boy,

and he also just has to be a straight-A student,

but he still wants to conquer all the recognition that has ever existed.

So, he needs to be wise.

Thus, he reads all the boring, adult books.

How to think like a CEO, How to be a Millionaire when you reach 30

Well, we all know who's gonna be benefited from his way of thinking, right?

(Hint: The she)

On top of that,

he also reads Malay, romantic, fiction

*ROFL*

She has nothing against Malay novels,

but this heartless guy reads them,

it's like he has the whole flower garden in his heart.

(direct translation)

She laughed.

She hasn't been reading Malay novels for so long!

She thinks Malay novels are crazily cheesy,

too cheesy to handle.

She reads.

But she read English Romantic Fiction.

She enjoys reading so much that she can finish reading 20 books 

in 2 weeks.

She wants him to read her type of books too!

So she lent him a book,

that she thought it was relatable to their story;

Where Rainbows End by Cecelia Ahern.

She told him there's a word in this book

that's highly relatable to their story.

So he read it,

it took him less than a week to finish one book,

quite impressive but he still lost to her, lol.

Obviously, she didn't make it easy on him.

The word was almost on the last page of the novel, lol.

And the word wasn't as important as her wanting him to read

the kind of book she likes haha!!

Oh, the next time she tried that tactic,

it didn't work on him anymore.

Back to the cheesy, Malay novel reader

HAHAHA

Guys who dance :)

Every girl has a fantasy guy that she wants to date,

she too has one.

She always likes an Indian looking guy,

tall, dark and handsome and someone who can dance.

She wishes to have a Bollywood-figure boyfriend.

He and the Bollywood actors have nothing in common.

But he didn't wanna lose in this game, to some Bollywood-figure guys.

So, he put his effort.

Firstly, he watched a not-so-mainstream-Bollywood movie (at least not in Malaysia),

Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani.

He forced himself to watch the whole movie so he could tell her about the movies.

And yes, she's impressed.

But he's again defeated when she asked him to dance like Ranbir Kapoor.

Had she ever seen him dancing? She had,

when the first time they met.

He's not necessarily the best dancer, but he's surely a keen one,

hence there's room to improve on.

She, on the other hand, dances during her school and university days.

She performs, she teaches people how to dance.

But she's not disappointed when she found out he won't dance for a living.

In fact, she's more excited about it!

As a girl who always wants things to go her way,

she'll make him dance.

Oh, she will.

And as a guy who always wants to make her happy,

he will dance too.

Oh, he will.

He'd better be!

"He's out of my league."

He came into her life, at the right time.

Have you ever felt like someone's watching you

but when you peek a look, he's watching away?

That happened a lot when they first met.

"He's out of my league."

Who would fall for a girl who doesn't know a thing

about sports and who can't even stand the sun,

or who can't even participate in the school marathon because she's sick?

A non-sportsman would.

But he's the star of his school basketball team,

he represented the state,

his team won in most of the tournaments,

he's always on the top 10 list for a marathon.

"She's out of my league."

He thought the girl who highly involved in debating team,

could only talk about intellectual stuff 

and she would never have a conversation

about silly, random stuff.

He thought wrong.

A chance was all they needed.

To start a friendship,

that could've been started earlier that it should.

But it took them 6 months to start a single hello,

and they never said goodbye ever since.

She had him at the hello that came from her big, shiny eyes.

And he had her at pretending he wasn't looking when he obviously did.

He isn't good with words,

but having good words is her strength.

She always talks,

and he always listens.

He listened to her worries, fears when no one understood her.

He listened even though he might not always remember the tiniest details of the story.

She opened up to him,

he didn't do the same thing at first.

He thought she didn't wanna know,

but she's dying to know about him.

She always advises,

but he's terrible at putting the right words in an advice.

Thus, when she cried,

he asked her to look in the mirror.

Because her crying face might make her stop crying.

He thought wrong.

She has answers for every single thing,

she said her crying face made her cry even more.

But when he saw her crying,

in front of him,

he's completely shattered.

He never wanted to see her cry ever again.

But he's the one who could easily make her cry.

She had a soft spot for him,

he always knew she's the one.

But like other guys,

he chose his brain over his heart.

He once put his feeling aside,

pretended what he felt was nothing, but just an instant crush,

a feeling that would never last.

And like other girls,

she chose her heart over her brain.

She kept the feeling alive,

hoping that what she felt was real, and not just an instant crush,

a feeling that would last.

She waited, he left.

He came back, and she was still there, waiting.

He's glad she never left,

she's glad he came back.

But this time,

she didn't make it easy on him.

He tried to play it cool,

she pretended that she's okay.

She's playing a game,

and he's not aware that

he's playing the game with her too.

Oh,

 she might not be good at sport,

but in this game,

she's surely winning.

The relationship advice that mom told me yesterday,

gave me a slap on my face.

10 years of relationship may not work,

a 6-month friendship may lead to a marriage.

It's scary how your plan may fall to pieces,

it's scary how your reality can be made of 

your dreams or your nightmares,

it's scary how everything is still a secret,

until the day you witness it yourself.

A small voice inside my head tells me,

that regardless of what's the story will

turn out to be,

there'll always be a special place in my heart,

for this love that I feel.

She who found herself

She's been lost.

She's been in the state of unknowing.

She's surely not unknown, but she's in the state of unknowing.

She's unknowing of what she wants, what she likes and

She's unknowing of whether the word unknowing even exists.

One thing leads to another.

Dots after dots.

Questions after questions.

Exclamation mark, one after another.

She realizes that love may not be the answer,

she realizes that love may not always be the answer.

Because like many others, she's too betrayed by love.

Love, on the other hand, is pure and innocent.

Love shouldn't be blamed,

Love is just another verb.

Love is also a noun.

But is love allowed to be possessed?

Love means to give,

but should there be a limitation in giving?

Or maybe love just means to forgive instead?

She loves so much that she forgives,

even the biggest mistake he commits.

She loves so much that she gives him the second chance,

even if she knew second chance means the second time of

her being betrayed.

Unlike forgiving which rhymes with forgetting,

she does not forget.

She does not forget the pain she feels,

She does not forget the pain of crying,

She does not forget the pain of betrayal,

She does not forget the pain of trusting too much,

She does not forget the pain of letting go.

One thing leads to another.

"Hi"s after "bye"s.

Answers after answers.

Advice after advice.

She realizes that love may be the answer,

she realizes that love may always be the answer,

Because like many others, she's too missing the love she once felt.

Indeed, love is pure and innocent.

Indeed, love shouldn't be blamed.

Indeed, love is a verb and also a noun.

But maybe love shouldn't be possessed.

Because maybe love should only be felt.

There's nothing wrong with forgiving.

There's nothing wrong with a second chance.

Maybe she's not good at forgetting,

thus she must be good at remembering.

Maybe she should try to remember.

Maybe she should try to forget.

She should remember all the loves she feels and receives,

She should remember her own sound of laughter,

She should remember those who stay in her life,

She should remember those who still trust her,

She should remember the ease of letting go.

She let go.

She let go of her anger.

She let go of her pain.

She let go of her regrets.

She let go of her tears.

She let go of her fears.

The fear to trust again.

The fear to forgive again.

The fear to love again.

She let go.

And she found herself,

like she never did before.

-Aliah Nazamusa,  3 Feb 2018

Fame vs Freedom

In this century, 

you can do any stupid things

that look bizarre in the society's eyes

and be famous instantly!

It just takes less than 1 hour to be famous.

But you get famous instantly,

you'll be forgotten instantly.

Thus, 

we all can observe a constant chain of strange, silly videos on the net,

sometimes they're made by the same people, 

because they want to stay famous.

There're many categories of instafamous people.

1. You're hella successful and people are genuinely inspired by you.

2. You're that celebrity who does well in your career.

3. There're so many gossips and rumors that you're associated with and people just wanna know more about your life.

4. You try so hard to gain followers by doing insane stuff.

There's nothing wrong about being famous,

but it's scary to know that a person's life goal is to have this certain number of instagram followers,

as if the number of followers determines how cool she is, or how great she is.

Well, if you're talking about e-commerce and instagram business account,

it's fine. More followers = more potential customers.

But a personal account....and risking your dignity to let the world know your existence,

that's insane!

But fame does have a lot of benefits,

you'll be sponsored from head to toe,

you can get discounts everywhere you go,

but you just have to promote others' business even though

you somehow need to lie about your reviews because 

money comes first...

Okay that's the issue of advertising but

really, you'll get hell lots of benefits.

But one thing that I personally 

don't wanna sacrifice,

whenever I started thinking about 

being 'instafamous' so I will get to receive stuff for free 

and just review them and will get the money out of it,

I will surely think about the freedom.

In the world where everyone wants to know

about everyone's business,

I just wanna stay in my bubble,

socialize when I need to but not socializing for a living.

I know that celebrities, 

they never care about what others think about them anymore

because they've had enough of them,

but whether you like it or not,

there's a small voice inside your head that makes you care.

You will care about people judgment,

you don't like it when people hate you

because all humans want to hear is a compliment.

My point is,

even with 15 readers I sometimes feel like my life is being judged,

but my blog is a personal space, that I think if people

genuinely read it because they really wanna know what's going on

with my life, but yeah I'm still a bit paranoid about it.

Imagine having to deal with 5 million followers,

being followed by paparazzi and 

at that point in life,

one is gonna wonder,

what do others feel like to have freedom in their lives?

I watched a lot of interviews and 

most of them are saying that they miss their 

alone time with their friends and family,

the moments before they became whom they are today,

but let's face it,

they've been involved in this life,

they made the informed decision about the price of being famous,

so, there's no turning back.

All I want to say is,

if you wanna be famous,

be famous for the right reason.

Because you don't only own up to your misbehaviors,

you also have to own up to all the embarrassment that

everyone who knows you feel when you get famous for a misleading reason.

#selfreminder