Last night, I called my parents to check on my tokabah.
It surprised me when they told me how weak my tokabah is.
He's so weak that one couldn't imagine he'd be that weak.
He doesn't have the appetite to eat anymore,
he has to use diapers because he couldn't walk nor sit,
he couldn't even open his mouth to take his medicine.
The cancerous cells have affected the rest of his organs,
he's very weak.
My parents told me,
to be prepared for any news.
I cried the whole night,
I woke up crying again.
I didn't eat anything,
I just couldn't.
I lost my appetite when I thought about
him.
I'm crying as I'm writing this.
Oh Allah,
please have mercy on him,
please ease everything for him,
please forgive all his sins,
please love him and bless him
and take care of him like he used to take care of me.
My tokabah treats me like a princess,
he will treat me everything I want,
cook me anything I want,
he would tell me stories,
he would share with me his life experiences,
how he had to support his family financially since he's 12.
He had to quit his education to support his family
because he lost his father at a very young age.
He decided to be an army to help his family.
He used to tell me all his experiences,
defeating the Communists and how he used to get lost
in the forest, and how he was shot and still survived.
He told me about the story he had to communicate with
the British during the Pre-Independent Days
and he couldn't find the right word to name 'petai' in English,
so he called 'petai' as long long green green haha
He's a funny man.
His stories about Pak Pandir never failed to crack me up.
He's a strict man,
everyone needs to follow his command
because he used to live that commander life.
While what he said might be too harsh on you,
he never meant to hurt you.
All he wanted was you to do good in life.
He would question my results,
even if I got an A, I should be getting a 100.
#asiangrandparents
He would always want the best for me,
so he would make sure I work hard for what I want.
He never forced me to be a doctor or a lawyer,
but he told me to be what I wanna be and be the best in my field.
Tok Abah and Tok Mak would tag along with my parents
to my interviews, the first day of high school, the first day of college,
award days and to the airport
to send me off to Montreal.
When my parents lived in the UK
and I had to sit for a national exam when I was 12,
tokabah and tokmak were the ones who took care of me and my sister.
He would drive me to school
since I was in kindergarten,
he would carry my bag because my bag was always too heavy.
When I had my internship last summer in Melaka,
he was still the one sending me and picking me up from work.
Just like the old days.
Along the way home/to the office,
he would tell me more stories.
He's very on time.
He would make sure I would have good breakfast
before going to school/work.
I don't like drinking/eating something that's too hot,
he would help me cool down my drinks every single time.
He knew what to order for me
when we went to eat at the restaurant,
because he knew me that much.
Today,
when I found out about how weak he's,
I couldn't even drink my hot milo drink
because all the memories are coming back.
I would joke around telling him
I need extra money here
and he would question my decision for traveling
but he would still transfer money to me.
Before I got back to Montreal last September,
he bought me a large luggage of food!!
He told me to eat well so I could study well.
He gave me the Quran and asked me to finish
reading the Quran every year,
because he said only words from God would guide me.
He told me to never stop praying,
because only God could help me.
He told me to always remember
those who help me,
because there's nothing more meaningful
that the feeling of being appreciated.
He told me,
he might not be a perfect father to his kids,
but he wanted to be the best grandfather to me.
Tok Abah,
you're the best grandfather I could ever ask for.
Thank you, Allah, for lending me the best gift in life,
for lending me the unconditional love of a grandfather,
who wanted nothing but pure happiness and blessings
for his granddaughter.
Thank you, Tok Abah,
for always believing me,
for having faith in me,
for always being there for me.
Thank you for the best 23 years,
thank you for loving me,
taking care of me,
advising me, praying for me.
I hope I did make you proud
and happy.
Kakak sayang tokabah.
