Oh, I do have haters.

Oh boy this request on blog post topic is tricky but

I can be transparent on my blog, right?

Over the past 24 years of living,

lol of course I have people hating me

for what I do, how I behave and who I am.

A person doesn't have to be

a celebrity to receive hatreds. 

Oh how do I begin?

When I was a teenager,

I don't like it when people hate me.

I can be quite a sensitive person

and people's opinion matters.

But I grow out of that era.

To be honest, it all starts with 

the reason why I'm leaving twitter.

In 2013,

my life decision has hurt some people

and even though I've apologized,

I don't think I was ever forgiven.

On twitter,

I would see unmentioned tweets on my timeline

that were directed to me, intentionally

and they were obviously offensive and hurtful.

But I've done everything on my part.

No matter how sorry I am,

no matter how many time I've apologized,

they are still gonna

remember what I did,

and always want to hurt me

like I did to them,

or maybe worse.

At that point in life,

I realized, there is no point of me

begging for forgiveness 

because news will still spread,

people will still bad mouth me

and I just have to move on.

So I deleted twitter

and I gotta say I found peace in life.

Then there's instagram,

which thank god I receive much less hatred than on twitter.

But I'm still blocked by some friends on instagram

for no reason - this time I'm sure because

from the past mistakes I've made,

I keep myself distant from unnecessary dramas.

Fast forward in the year 2019,

the same old news from teen years,

still reach my ears.

Funny how people can't move on

and still living on hatreds

and all I feel for them is sorry.

I've talked to a friend about 

this situation of mine

and that person told me that

I'm quite something.

That person knows why I'm receiving a lot of hatreds,

all because I just don't care.

I don't make efforts to reach out to people,

I hardly make people feel important,

I just do my things and because of that

people do not get my attention

and they hate me for that.

That person has hard time understanding me

and how I behave but after a while,

that person realizes that that's just how I am.

I feel bad when I heard that critics.

And also, that's my first time hearing that from others.

I guess, in a way, that's true.

My experience has changed the way I see things in life.

I have my own reasons for doing things I do now

like all the reasons people can give when they say they hate me.

My circle of friends is small today,

I reach out to people that care about me

and to those who will do the same - reaching out to me.

Because I tried reaching out and I just got tired of

being the only one who put an effort to do so.

Because I believe in friendship,

it also takes two to tango.

It won't work if I'm the only one who cares.

I don't make people feel important

if it's not mutual.

And I only give people the attention they deserve.

I've lived for long enough

to know who's a friend and who's foe.

People who look nice and talk all sweet and sugar to you aren't always your friends.

People who tell you the truth do not always hate you.

I don't blame people

for the hate DMs I receive.

I don't blame them for blocking me on instagram.

I don't blame them if they still can't forgive what I've done.

Because they all have their own reasons,

so do I.

Sometimes, I do feel sad and cry over 

the broken friendships,

friends I lose,

people I thought are my friends but not anymore,

those whom I care about but do not care about me

yada yada yada.

I do.

So, I will just cry,

let the feelings go

and sleep on it,

and avoid thinking about it.

Also, if I behave poorly,

I know there will be people

advising me on that,

so I can change.

Oh and I also know the difference

between people advising me to be better

vs people criticizing me to bring me down.

Oh, and sometimes

I just laugh when people

bad mouthing me

and news traveled back to me because

 I took so many space in their mind lol.

Clearly they do not have better things to do.

So to answer these questions;

- do I have haters?

Yes, I do.

- how I deal with them?

I don't.

I prefer thinking about other stuff,

like what food should I eat,

which cake should I try next, 

or which honeymoon destination should I pick?

Till then.

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you that made you hate me.

I swear, it's unintentional.