Am I missing out the opportunities?

Wow, I've been silent for more than a month

that's not good for blog health haha

and definitely contradicting my aim to blog everyday lol.

After my final exam,

I had a list of topics to vlog/blog about

but I was busy catching up with so many friends and families

before leaving Montreal for good.

I will be leaving Montreal in July and I am not ready.

But I'm kinda excited for the upcoming adventures but I'm not ready to leave Montreal.

I feel like I've done enough, but enough is never enough for me.

But I guess, I shall be super grateful for the amazing things that

happen in my life over the span of 4 years abroad.

Did I tell you about the jobs that I had to turn down?

For now there are only two.

I cried every time I had to turn down the offer

just because the process was long,

every job screening process lasted for 4 stages;

I prepared and had anxiety before I went through all of them.

I should be in British Columbia now,

working for either two of these companies:

R** T**** or A**z*n

I didn't.

They already asked for my availability to book my flight from Montreal

and when I told them I couldn't accept the job offer,

they kept offering more money

but I told them the whole situation of my scholarship etc

and they gave up.

I gave up.

I am confused about what I want in life.

Is it the opportunity to work abroad, is it the money that they offer

or do you I wanna serve back the company that paid for my tuition fee

and my life for 6 years?

I keep getting back to the latter.

I argue a lot with myself.

I am not the kind of girl that lets the opportunity go

just like that.

I know I am not.

But it comes to my conscience that I should be doing the right thing.

Without my scholarship,

I wouldn't even get the opportunity to study in Montreal,

to even get the opportunity to apply for those competitive job positions at

the two prestigious companies.

Of course there'll be more arguments coming to dismiss that conscience

but I guess I would like to pause there.

I keep on thinking,

maybe I miss out the opportunities

but what are the perks?

Either way, I still didn't know which one is better for me.

Working at the company that sponsors me for 6 years

or working at the company that knows my ability from the 4th stage screening process?

I am pretty sure I wasn't the only one that had this mid-life crisis,

I know for sure it has happened to a lot of Malaysians out there

who are studying abroad

under scholarships.

I know everyone would have different stance

yet I don't even know what's mine.