TWO GREAT NEWS!

I know, I know.

It's been a long time.

I've been writing all this while in my journal.

Today,

I'm gonna break the silence

by sharing some great news!

I woke up to an email from McGill Scholarship Department stating that

I received two awards:

1. The Rio Tinto - Richards Evans International Exchange Awards 

Awarded to outstanding undergraduate students in the Faculty of Engineering’s engineering degree programs and in the Desautels Faculty of Management to support formal international education exchange, internship or other university-sanctioned educational travel opportunities as a way of broadening their experience and ability to work effectively in diverse cultures and enterprises. 

Students selected should embody the leadership values of personal responsibility, integrity, accountability and mutual respect.

 It is intended that collectively these awards are made in a way to reflect the diversity of the University student population. 

2. The Dean's Honour List

for undergraduate students recognizes those who rank in the top 10% of the Faculty of Engineering, based on the combined GPA for all courses taken during the Fall and Winter terms. This is an official University recognition of your achievement and will be recorded on your academic transcript. 

My reaction was:

They must have forwarded the email to a wrong person!!!

This could not be true!

Then I reread again the name and student ID,

it's me!!!

This is probably something I never expected happening to my life

because you all know how depressed and miserable my life was at University.

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah

for the two wonderful awards and 

for giving me back the hope that I lost in me.

This is probably the highlight of my university life.

Thank you to my parents, grandparents, siblings, family, and friends

for the prayers and support.

ps, I will update my blog once I settled down.

I just got back from a 3-month Europe trip

and there's a lot of things to do right now.

Will catch up later!

My second 10 days of Ramadhan

#diariRamadhanAliah continues...

Ramadhan 11

Spent all day at the library

Had iftar with My Chikkas; Nusaiba, Tamima, Reem, Asma and Sara 

at Avesta, a Turkish restaurant.

Had lamb shank, dabomb.com

Ramadhan 12

Midterm FACC 300

Just ate what I cooked for iftar

Ramadhan 13

Studied for Final FACC 300

Ate curry and pita and chatime!

Ramadhan 14

Study for final

Eat what I had

Ramadhan 15

Study for final

Eat what I had

Ramadhan 16

FACC 300 Final

Graduation of Elisa, Iman and Dahlia

Iftar at Asma's

Playing firework, eat dumpling

Sleepover at Asma's because Tamima got locked out lol

Ramadhan 17
Iftar at Kak Roslina's



Ramadhan 18
Iftar at Jeanne Mance Park with Tamima and Asma

Ramadhan 19
Volunteer with Sister Sabria's Foundation (Al-Madina Centre)
Iftar there
Had Syrian rice



Ramadhan 20
Volunteer with Sister Sabria's Foundation (Al-Madina Centre)
Iftar there
Had nasi goreng ayam and Moroccan soup





Overall, doing little act of kindness like volunteering, celebrating my friends' big day and iftar with friends really make me a happy person.

Alhamdulillah for this opportunity

My first 10 days of Ramadhan

Introduction: Oh well, this year is technically the first year I experience Ramadhan abroad.

I think, the experience is very remarkable and I want it to be remembered and treasured,

hence I wrote #diariRamadhanAliah on daily basis.

I started off the first three days of Ramadhan,

not fasting.

During the first two weeks of Ramadhan with summer class.

And the rest of the weeks, I had a very busy schedule.

Let me tell you how my days went!

Ramadhan 1

Not fasting; ate brownies for dinner

Ramadhan 2

Not fasting; iftar at Kak Zarina's

Made tepung pelita weeeee

Ramadhan 3

Not fasting, iftar at MAC mosque with Iman, Tamima, Nusaiba

Ramadhan 4

Watched Deadpool 2 with Nawwar and Tamima

Iftar at MAC Mosque with Nawwar, Tamima, and Reem

Ramadhan 5

Iftar at Tamima's with Reem, Nawwar and Nusaiba

Made taufu fa and samprit weee

Ramadhan 6

Had FACC 300 review session till 9pm?!

Hence, had to eat the leftover pasta from yesterday

Ramadhan 7

Stay back at Library till iftar

Iftar at MSA Concordia with Iman

Purchased flight tickets to *********

Ramadhan 8

Stayback at Library till iftar

Iftar at MAC Mosque with Tamima

Ramadhan 9

Cancelled midterm due to stupid fire drill

Potluck iftar at Nabil's

I made keria and kuih lidah kucing

Ramadhan 10

Bought a new watch for myself from Fossil,

because I got GPA3.92 hahahaa

Iftar at Kak Rosie's

Overall,

I'm grateful for being given the chance to start off my Ramadhan with my beloved Montreal families and I also did Terawih on my own, and finished 10 juzzu' of the Quran,

I'm glad that the first 10 days of Ramadhan were very much spiritual to me.

Alhamdulillah.

Doing Ramadhan alone, away from family, in a foreign land

somehow made me closer to God.

When there's a will, there's a way.

And all the fairytales make me think

All the fairytales make me think

do fairytales actually exist?

The books I read,

make me think of the possibility of those crises

that happened, 

would they ever turn to be something I could cherish later?

Will time heal everything?

Reading the books, imagining myself to be the character portrayed,

it's not right.

I didn't feel right,

in a sense that

I never loved someone as much as the character would do.

I have always been the opposite.

I would be the one who didn't show much affection,

I would be the one who didn't appreciate enough.

I would be the one who didn't love enough.

Maybe I just suck at expressing my feeling?

I could write, yes.

I could write a damn good, heart-touching card

expressing what I feel,

but in front of the person I love,

I'm acting cold.

Or maybe I am not?

I don't know how to show my affection 

other than to always want to be around that person all the time.

Because I would feel safe, loved and at home.

I feel comfortable.

Even though there's no conversation happening.

Just be there at the moment.

I don't know how to show my appreciation,

but I know for sure I never miss a day without planning 

what I want to do when we're together.

I don't know how to show my love,

but I know for sure all the little things that always remind me of the people I love.

I'm known for my behavior that sometimes

I would isolate myself from people,

I'd rather be alone in my own world.

I'm known for my behavior of pushing people I love away,

just because I want them to pull me back.

I'm known for always not feeling good about myself.

I always thought I'm a failure to my past self, the younger me.

I feel like I haven't achieved much enough,

I haven't been the person I wanted to be before.

But most of the time,

I'm feeling like a failure because people always put me first.

I know that's what everyone wants,

that's what I always want.

I want my loved ones to put me first,

just like how I would prioritize them.

But today,

because of that selfish want,

I feel like I'm a failure,

I haven't been supportive enough,

I haven't been the person I wanted to be,

by not being there, cherishing people I love,

pushing them to achieve their dreams.

I feel like I'm pulling them one step backward.

They had to miss one checklist of their days

because of me,

And that's all because they love me.

And I never appreciate that,

I did, but I didn't show that.

I know I don't deserve all the attention and all the loves. 

I don't deserve all the gifts.

But Aliah, at least you should have gratitude!

Gratitude.

Be thankful.

Be thankful for the unconditional loves you receive.

Be thankful for the people who put you first before anyone else.

Put your emotion aside.

Put your ego aside.

Put your 'I don't know what I want' aside.

Appreciate the moment,

be in the moment,

love the people
who sincerely love you and never ask for anything in return,
but your love.

Be thankful, Aliah.

Be thankful.

My first Ramadhan away

I'm feeling very blue these days,

everything seems a little sadder.

It's Ramadhan,

this is my first time away from home during this holy month.

I've been missing this month,

I've been feeling afraid if I couldn't be in this month again.

I've been missing my grandfathers.

Back in schools,

I would feel very lucky, cause I still had both sides of my grandparents.

This Raya,

I'm only left with my grandmothers.

It feels rather sad.

I would call my mum every day,

my maternal grandma is staying at our home now.

She would ask me every day,

why didn't I come home?

Honest answer,

I don't have enough money to pay for my flight tickets.

Even though my parents have offered me, I rather not to.

Because I've owed them so much,

I rather stay here and not waste their money.

I mean, they have many other commitments to think about.

My money could have been enough,

but I will be traveling in Europe from June till August.

Excited? Absolutely!

But I'm still sad for not gonna make it home this Eid.

My grandma would tell me, 

every single day,

to come home cause she misses me

and to come home for Raya because that's the least a daughter could do to make the parents happy.

I get it.

But it'll be the least I could do if I'm staying in Malaysia, but different state

and the transportation cost would be less than RM1000.

You gotta pay for what you decide, right?

Studying abroad is not all cupcakes and rainbows.

There's up and down and I would say 

having to celebrate the month of togetherness;

Ramadhan and Syawal without beloved ones,

that's a tough one.

But hey, on the bright side,

it's a life experience that I might appreciate in the future right?

As for now,

I'm craving for tepung pelita hati and taufu faa!

What's your favorite Ramadhan kuih?