Fray

Reasons Behind Every Struggle

People’s struggles differ, according to their own reasons.  Some reasons are yet to be known, some, they choose to struggle and do not take life as easy as some would take it.

And as for me, life is not easy. Life is not that hard. But I have to struggle, nevertheless.

Well, I think I am a completely different person as compared to who I was back then in high school. But high school was also the dy/dx of my life.

When I was in ssp, I always thought that academic is (still I feel that way to certain extent) not everything. So, I study less. I did things that I loved most, ie debating etc.

When I was in form 5, I just couldn’t find time to study, it’s not that there’s no time, but it’s just me who didn’t know how to juggle my time well. So, I didn’t struggle that much. You can see my terrible results throughout my form 5 year. 

SPM was not a big achievement for me, but Allah still gives me chance do something greater in my life, so I was granted good scholarship and got the chance to do preparation before doing my degree in Canada.

So here I am, will be taking IB final exam in no time!

I decided to write this post because I somehow think there’s a need for me to tell some people, why do I struggle. No, I don’t struggle or be the diligent girl you always think I am because I want to impress you, no. Never. I just think I need to struggle. We all need to struggle.

• I never think I am genius, I am never a genius. I need to study hard to get better grades.
• My add math teacher once told me, “If pergi debate sampai Korea tapi SPM tak straight As pun tak ke mana, Aliah.” — I owe her a lot because yes, it’s true (because we’re living in Malaysia, people)
• Opportunity just doesn’t come every time, once it’s there, grab it.
• There’s something about me; if I want something so badly, my effort shows it. If I am fated not to get what I want, Allah will always grant something better for me; but at least, I’ve done my part and I could say that I am satisfied with my efforts.
• I care about people’s expectation towards me. Well, when I say people, I don’t mean populace, but my family. It hurts to know you’ve hurt your family’s feelings especially if you don’t work hard for it.  Again, spm.
• Well, I did get straight As, but not as glorious as my other friends, I must say. There’s something that I am (still) sad about. And I regret about it to bits because I didn’t work hard enough to get those good grades. I am here to repent.
• At least, I have something (a proof) to show to Allah during the Judgment Day. Allah will see your efforts and your heart, indeed.
• Surely, with difficulty, there’s ease.
• Hardship is the gate of heaven, entertainment is the gate of hell. I do entertain myself tho, but there’s certain time, we just need to know our priority in life. YOLO, it is. So, do the best for this one life  that we have.
• For some solid reasons, I still think academic is not everything. Well, it gives you the degree that you want, but it doesn’t guarantee your job and your great future. The truth is, you also need good attitude, high level of respect towards others, humility and all the good qualities to have a better life. When you struggle, work hard, strive for the things you really want, all of those qualities will come hand in hand, insyaAllah. 

Well, I don’t say this because I am good, no. I am still improving myself. This is something that comes from the bottom of my heart. I must say, I do not know what my future holds. I am clueless about my IB result and all or even what will happen after I posted this. But again, I’ve pondered about this many times.  

When you know the pain of struggling, you’ll really appreciate the juice of success and no one else could ever feel what you’re feeling that time, except for Allah. I am imagining myself being in that state. It’s definitely a great form of happiness that I am seeking for. 

Thank Allah, for this thought. Alhamdulillah.