the wishes that were granted

As a child, growing up, my mom/dad always read me bedtime stories.

Before going to bed, they would recite the sleeping prayer with me too and 

till this day, I still recite the same prayer, every time before going to sleep

and after every solat.

Prayers are supplications that God has gifted His creations and

I think it's not only an amazing thing spiritually,

it's the best way to keep your mind on the life/afterlife goals.

In every prayer, till I was 12,

one of the lines was,

I prayed that I would be granted a place at any boarding school.

I've always wanted to study at boarding school,

but I never knew why.

Alhamdulillah, I've granted the wish

and was placed at the best boarding school ever; 

Sekolah Seri Puteri, Cyberjaya.

(oklah, it's subject to multiple opinions but at least looking back, 

I had the best time of my teen life hehe)

In that same prayer too,

another line was,

I prayed that I would study abroad.

I've always wanted to study abroad,

but I never knew why.

I mean, there're some perks but as

I was praying for that,

I didn't know why.

I just thought that would be the best thing for me.

Alhamdulillah, I've granted the wish

and got a scholarship to study at the best university ever;

McGill University, Canada

(oklah, not according to statistics but it's top 25 best university in the world, so.. hehe)

When I reflected upon who I am today,

what I have achieved in life,

I realized that my wishes are granted,

by Him in the most beautiful way ever.

Maybe it's all written as my fate,

but I'm pretty sure the prayers that my parents thought me,

the prayers they made, the prayers I made,

the prayers that my beloved ones made for me,

did play a significant role!

The power of du'a,

the power of believing in His destiny and fate,

the power of believing in His plan.

No doubt, there is a lot of hard times,

the hardships, the hurdles that I had to go through.

Everyone will be facing hard times in life.

But He has promised,

in every hardship, there's ease.

Another chapter from the Quran that

my teacher back in primary school always told us to recite,

every single day.

Oh no, in this blog post, is not about me bragging about what I've achieved in life,

it's actually a reminder for me

that the best things will happen in life,

if I pray for it,

work hard for it

and trust Allah with His plan.

Notice that all the wishes were not granted over night,

12 years of prayers for the boarding school dream to come true,

18 years of prayers for the studying abroad dream to come true.

Every good thing in life takes time.

And the prayers made were very general.

I mean, I could have been specific in my prayers

but it's my personal preference,

I think I do not know what's best for me.

He knows what's best for me.

But I did make a specific prayer on certain things,

like my jodoh :P

"Oh Allah, please make ______ my jodoh, and if he's not my jodoh,

please make him my jodoh."

HAHA I'm kidding........ not....help

I guess if all of us got everything we want in life, instantly,

there's no essence of happiness existing on this earth anymore.

So, keep calm, make du'a, work hard for it

and always trust that Allah will make it happen at the best time ever.

Thank you mama, ayah

for teaching me the prayer since I was young.

There are many more lines in the prayer

and I know they will/have come true.

London, oh London

It has brought me so many memories. This time, it’s for the whole family. We’ve been to London in 2007, when my family used to live in Reading for a while. It’s been 12 years since we all gathered in London. I went last year, but alone to meet friends. This time, it’s a family trip.

A little back story. My family couldn’t attend my graduation in Montreal due to visa complications, so last minute we decided to go for family trip in Europe. From three different countries, we flew in to Gatwick on June 1. 

It’s Ramadhan, but due to time differences we couldn’t fast during the first day of arrival. Usually UK immigration took me two hours during the queue but this time, since I was flying from North America and they have special lane for North Americans and EU passport holders, international passport holder like me had a smooth process. I was the first in line, got my baggage and everything for less than 30minutes. Felt like a VIP for a while.

The whole family met, my dad cried a bit because it’s been 2 years and 10 months we haven’t met - the 6 of us.

We took National Express bus to London Victoria Coach Station and took uber to our hotel, Rose Park Hotel in Paddington.

We had to split into two groups - 3 for each room.

The hotel was full so the first group had to stay at the basement level and the second group at the top floor level. We stayed there for two nights. It was gift time from me to my whole family. I bought everyone some gifts! And the best surprise was my dad’s gift for my mom - the latest iphone. She had no clue about that 😂

We didn’t fast because of the journey, so we had to grab our lunch nearby. We found a Malaysian restaurant, owned by Dato Jimmy Choo and the food there was 👌🏼!

While ordering for food, dad made a speech about my graduation thingy and the surprise is not over yet!

I’ve been eyeing on this (beaded) necklace for a long time, and yeayyyyy I got this as a gift. The other  necklace was given to me when I was 17 as my birthday present! 

Tiffany&Co has always been my favourite jewellery line ever and my dream is always to receive them on special days - birthday, graduation, wedding he he he

The rest of the day was just us spending time at Oxford Street, do a bit of shopping and went back to the hotel because everyone was still tired from travelling.

The next morning, we went out early, took uber to Peggy Porschen because everyone wanted to take pictures there. We bought macarons to eat later! We later then walked to Buckingham Palace, it took us around 15 min to walk there. We arrived a few minutes earlier before the change of guards. The amount of people standing in front of the palace was insane!

We later walk to Big Ben, London Eye, the Millennium Bridge, Tate Modern and lastly we walked to Tower Bridge. They’re all 15-25min walk from each other.

We later then took uber to Ivy Chelsea Garden, for another celebratory dinner. It’s a fine dining place. I ordered lobster and shrimp cocktails 😍!

That’s basically the end of our day in London. We took EuroStar train to Paris on the next day! 

Overall thoughts on London - there are so many things to do and each time I go, it’s always been a new experience. Although I went to almost the same places each time, it felt different. I wanna come back to London for the food hunting next time! 

Talk to you in my next post! Till then, do watch my London vlog!

Have you ever?

Have you ever cried so much that your head hurts?

That your eyes turned so red that you thought you got an infections?

That you just wanna stay in bed all day?

That you just feel like you don't wanna do anything but crying?

I don't know what's wrong with me

but I cried terribly these days.

Maybe I haven't been crying for a while that

everything I see just makes me sad.

A little too sad.

Everything I think about.

All sadness.

Sadness galore.

Maybe it's God punishing me for not being thankful when 

all I feel is content and happiness.

I thought when I grow up,

I will be grow wiser,

happier.

But I guess life is still a cycle,

I don't outgrow sadness,

I don't outgrow emotion.

I don't outgrow feelings.

In fact,

it's stronger.

The feeling I feel is becoming stronger.

I get sadder,

easily.

Sometimes I feel

like all the problems are on my shoulder.

Sometimes I feel

like no one gets it.

No matter how I try to hide it from people,

with just smile on my face,

I am still sad on the inside.

I can lie to anyone,

but not myself.

I wake up thinking,

how does it feel like to be happy.

Yesterday,

before all of the sadness became out of control,

there were moments that I laughed.

While laughing,

it got me thinking,

oh it felt so good to laugh.

When did I forget how to laugh?

Life has not been stressful,

I'm done with school.

But maybe I am more stressful about figuring out 

my future.

Will I like my future?

Will the future be as bright as I would want it to be?

Will I be happy in the future?

Sometimes,

I think I am not the daughter that

my parents will be proud of.

Maybe that hit me hard last night.

Maybe I am not.

I haven't achieved anything in my life,

to make them proud of me.

To make me proud of me.

Sometimes, I lose hope in myself.

Maybe I was just being ungrateful.

Maybe I was.

Sadness is a feeling that God creates,

and places in the heart that He desires.

So is happiness.

So is gratitude,

So is love.

Maybe today, it's sadness that He places in my heart.

Maybe tomorrow, this will change.

Maybe.

Have you ever talked to God,

when you're not in your prayer?

I have.

All the time.

Sometimes, I have so many questions.

I have so many explanations.

So many justifications.

But with Him,

everything is easy.

I don't have to justify as much,

because He knows.

And I like it that way.

That I don't have to explain how I feel.

Because He just understands.

About my questions?

Have you ever thought when will God answer your questions?

I guess He does.

But His answers are never black nor white.

There's always room for the heart to ponder.

So I picked up the Quran.

And the first verse that caught my eyes was,

“Do not lose hope, nor be sad. You will surely be victorious if you are true believers.” (3:139)

Yes, He does speak to me.

In a way that I have to seek for His answer.

I guess it's okay to be sad,

but I have to know like happiness, sadness too, 

is a feeling that passes by.

It has limitation and I shouldn't be too sad about feeling sadness.

I guess I will be fine.

One day, I will.

Do not lose hope, nor be sad.

You will surely be victorious if you are true believers.

Do not lose hope.

Do not be sad.

Welcome to the makeup world, Aliah

I finally found the right foundation that didn't break me out!

This is not a makeup tutorial,

this is mostly me doing the kind of makeup that I never tried on camera.

I hope you enjoy the video!

Am I missing out the opportunities?

Wow, I've been silent for more than a month

that's not good for blog health haha

and definitely contradicting my aim to blog everyday lol.

After my final exam,

I had a list of topics to vlog/blog about 

but I was busy catching up with so many friends and families

before leaving Montreal for good.

I will be leaving Montreal in July and I am not ready.

But I'm kinda excited for the upcoming adventures but I'm not ready to leave Montreal.

I feel like I've done enough, but enough is never enough for me.

But I guess, I shall be super grateful for the amazing things that

happen in my life over the span of 4 years abroad.

Did I tell you about the jobs that I had to turn down?

For now there are only two.

I cried every time I had to turn down the offer

just because the process was long,

every job screening process lasted for 4 stages;

I prepared and had anxiety before I went through all of them.

I should be in British Columbia now, 

working for either two of these companies:

R** T**** or A**z*n

I didn't.

They already asked for my availability to book my flight from Montreal

and when I told them I couldn't accept the job offer,

they kept offering more money

but I told them the whole situation of my scholarship etc

and they gave up.

I gave up.

I am confused about what I want in life.

Is it the opportunity to work abroad, is it the money that they offer

or do you I wanna serve back the company that paid for my tuition fee

and my life for 6 years?

I keep getting back to the latter.

I argue a lot with myself.

I am not the kind of girl that lets the opportunity go

just like that.

I know I am not.

But it comes to my conscience that I should be doing the right thing.

Without my scholarship,

I wouldn't even get the opportunity to study in Montreal,

to even get the opportunity to apply for those competitive job positions at

the two prestigious companies.

Of course there'll be more arguments coming to dismiss that conscience

but I guess I would like to pause there.

I keep on thinking,

maybe I miss out the opportunities

but what are the perks?

Either way, I still didn't know which one is better for me.

Working at the company that sponsors me for 6 years

or working at the company that knows my ability from the 4th stage screening process?

I am pretty sure I wasn't the only one that had this mid-life crisis,

I know for sure it has happened to a lot of Malaysians out there 

who are studying abroad

under scholarships.

 I know everyone would have different stance

yet I don't even know what's mine.

I guess two hard decisions had beed made,

to forgo the opportunities to work in Canada

and will settle down in Malaysia for at least the next 7 years.

Or as long as the scholarship company wants to hire me.

Am I missing out the opportunities?

Yes.

Am I sad about it?

Yes.

Am I doing the right thing?

I don't know.

I guess I would love to think that there will more opportunities for me

out there.

There'll be more.

There'll be more.