As clichè as it sounds, all relationships are complicated. And for the past 9 years, during my high school and college phases, I've witnessed so many unique relationship stories that happened around me (well including me lol). They're all ranging from every category that can be listed on the relationship spectrum. Some relationships last from high school till now, some just do not work out. Who is to blame and who is to be blamed? What could have been done and what is my opinion about it?
Category I
Est in 20__ till forever
Bravos for keeping the relationship strong, but I'm pretty sure there're so many ups and downs and dramas happening in between. May your relationships last forever.
Category II
It could've been better....
Long story short, in a nutshell lol, this category needs a lot of explanation but I will give my honest opinion on this. Most of the times, the only major problem that arises in this kind of relationship is communication loss. Speaking as someone who truly believes in the power of communication,
I guess every relationship can be saved if the two people involved could actually talk about their feelings. Ignoring your feelings and hoping that things will get better only make things worse. I don't blame people who choose to keep everything to themselves though cause I cannot expect all human beings to be as outspoken and direct as others. But having heart-to-heart conversation usually works, if you talk about that problem earlier. However, to have the heart-to-heart conversation when the relationship is already at the stake may lead to the the ending of it. I do not say it's bad; I just think if you wanna save the relationship, you have to do it as soon as you see some bad things are coming their ways.
But one should not blame others. If you know something is wrong between two of you, you have to start addressing it. Again, relationship needs a two-way communication. Assumption is definitely not a good thing, so talk about your problems!
Oh and the most important thing is not to share your problems with people of the opposite genders, if you don't know how to control your emotion. Lol, honestly as a friend, yes you can advise your opposite gendered friends but you as the 'advisor' too must know your limit and advise on the right things. Cause most of the time when you start sharing your problems with friends of the opposite gender, you kinda get attracted to that person and in the end, the 'it could've been better' becomes 'maybe she/he (the advisor) can be a better half'. So hm, no. Communicate with your partner first!
If you do not have the courage to do so now, you will have trouble when you're living together with your partner in the future!
Category III
We aren't on the same page anymore...
Again, communication can help solving this. Secondly, if you feel like having common interest is so important in the first place, try finding someone that have the same interest as you or someone that you can share your interest with. You don't need to have so many similarities with your partner to have a good relationship; finding someone whom you can share your interest with is more important.
An easy way to portray is to know that not all athletes end up with athletes cause some of them end up with cheerleaders :)
I really do not know the best English idiom for this, but the Malay idiom is "enggang sama enggang, pipit sama pipit" -- it means in finding a friend/partner, you shall know where you do you stand (social class you're in).
It's really up to you, it's your ultimate personal choice.
your love against the world vs your happiness?
This is my personal opinion.
If I were completely in love with someone, but his family doesn't accept the way I am regardless of any reason; ie I may not be from the same social class, his son could have found someone better, prettier, smarter; I will definitely walk away. I love him, but I know I won't be happy in the end cause it's not him the only one that I will marry with, it's his whole family.
It's fair for him, cause he should know, that if I were to stay, he would always be stuck between his family and me and this will not lead to happiness but sadness, to both of us.
(secretly hoping my future in-law will accept me)
So, if you think the relationship you're currently in now cannot grow, will not make you happy, leave.
You may hurt the other person, but giving false hope will hurt him/her more.
Category IV
My girlfriend is not as pretty as this girl....
When you start comparing the girl you have with the girl you think you can have;
you should just walk away from the relationship cause honestly, your girlfriend now deserves someone who is waaaaaaaaay better than you, someone who will appreciate her more and love her unconditionally. Thank you for your service, please leave.
(You don't want me to get going, cause I'll be on fire!)
Conclusion;
One thing that I learned from the Jumu'ah Khutbah last friday was;
the only dependent relationship that a person should have is with God.
You can only depend on God, not anyone else.
The moment you have dependent relationship with other human, you're in trouble cause people may leave or die or they cannot give you everything and anything you want, only God can.
Independent relationship on the other hand, is not the best kind of relationship as well, cause if both of you are totally independent, you will not see the point of having that relationship. I know a married couple who lived together, but the wife never cooked for the husband, they bought their own food, the husband never drove the wife to buy her stuff cause the wife could drive herself around, they're completely independent of each other and that marriage sadly ended after 2 years; they're living more like roommates rather than married couple.
The most ideal kind of relationship is interdependent relationship. This is the relationship when two people have close personal relationship, they live together (in Islam, this can happen after getting married), both provide the other with financial support, personal care; they complete each other. This is the kind of relationship that we should have.
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