Exam was over 3 days ago and I was so excited about it to end!
My last final exam was on Friday (ie the last day of all McGill exams) and it ended at 5pm.
You have no idea how tired I was, the struggle was real!
I had my first exam, Circuit 2 on the first day of exams, and I ended on the last day of exams,
like whoaaa!
But Alhamdulillah I had more gaps in between which meant I could study more!
This semester changed me as a person.
I didn't skip classes except when I was severely ill.
I went to meet prof after the class or during the office hour every week.
I changed, a lot.
It's true that failure could change someone,
the pain of failure hurts me so much,
but to see disappointment in my parents' eyes is the worst feeling ever.
Everything I do,
I do it for Allah SWT and my parents,
everything has nothing to do with me.
I even pasted this on my wall;
"MAKE YOUR PARENTS PROUD"
They're so important to me,
and my eyes are teary now, don't cry, Aliah.
So, before my last exam,
we got our circuit grade
and the average was C,
all the people I know in my class, no one got an A
and some failed.
Tbh, I admit it that I thought I've worked hard enough for this course.
I swear the Prof was tired of seeing my face every Tuesday and Thursday.
Sometimes, I had stupid questions to ask her, I would make it to her office hour because
she would help me.
With all my efforts, she questioned me once, why did I score a bad grade in the quizzes?
So we had biweekly quizzes, so 6 quizzes in total and my marks
were decreasing exponentially.
From full mark to a 30%.
So per quiz, it worth 4% of the whole grade.
But I was still above the average marks so I didn't feel as bad.
But her question hit my chest like ugh so badly.
So I studied so hard for her finals,
I know I would never fully understand circuit if I were to study alone,
so I studied with Nusaiba.
MasyaAllah, she's the kindest, funniest person ever.
We studied together the whole semester and she's my lab partner for circuit
and alhamdulillah our lab grades were 90% and above all the time.
She knew how bad my previous semester was,
so she pushed me to study well this semester.
Anyway,
when I got to know the result was out,
me being me,
I was so scared to check,
plus I had another exam after, so I really didn't wanna
ruin my study mood.
I didn't check.
After the last exam,
I went home to pray and left my bag behind
and went to a BBQ event by the MSA,
then I met a friend of mine
and he was sad for his grade.
I felt bad.
I felt like crying, cause I cannot see sad people.
I don't know how to console them.
The hardest part of all,
he told me that the prof told him
that I did okay in the final.
You know, it just made yourself harder to console someone
cause we all have been in the situation where
someone who did better than you in a competition
and came to you and said "it's okay, you've done your best"
and you feel like replying to that person "oh it's easy for you to say cause you nailed it"
but you just smiled....
So I felt guiltier.
I changed the topic, talked about other stuff and yeah...
let the conversation die....
And today, another friend of mine,
she met the prof while working on her research internship with the university.
The circuit prof.
So she's saying some people did really well in final even they did bad in the quiz,
for example, Aliah.
I'm like, what........
1. Define "really well"
2. Why why why do not give me hope when there's no chance
Was she saying that just because I was nice to her? Why why?
I'm confused...
Then, my friend made me check my grade.
I'm like noooooooo
(But I've promised myself to check my result today
so I did)
Yes, I did.
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